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For the Browns, it’ll be Lousy Leftovers on Sunday

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Whether you spent your Black Friday deal hunting or passing the stuffing, it’s time to wake up and smell the pigskin. We’ve got Browns uniforms to talk about, Cleveland.

In case a food coma caused you to miss it, the team interrupted Thanksgiving night to announce its plans to wear brown jerseys, orange pants, and orange socks on Sunday against the New York Giants:

I’ve got turkey on the brain (who doesn’t?), and this particular ensemble is reminding me of a leftover Thanksgiving feast. Stuffing, carrots, dark meat… it all tastes good on Friday, right?

But come Sunday, those brown and orange leftovers are going to taste (and probably smell) pretty lousy. That’s why I’m calling this look the Lousy Leftovers: No amount of reheating is going to save starter Josh McCown (who is pictured above in the same combination, by the way) and the Browns against Eli Manning and the 7-3 New York Giants… They’re toast.

As always, here’s a reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve fared—so far this season.

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Week 10: The Pathetic Pasties
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: White
Result: L @ Baltimore Ravens, 28-7

Week 11: The Tic-Tac-D’OH!
Jerseys: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Pittsburgh Steelers, 24-9


What if all of the Cavs have alter egos? While We’re Waiting

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Remember that time things got weird in Milwaukee?

In case you missed Tuesday night’s game against the Bucks, here’s a quick rundown:

The Cavs lost. To the Bucks. ☹

It was the team’s first time facing former Cav/adorable peanut Matthew Dellavedova. ☹ ☹

Chris “Birdman” Andersen got burned by Thon Maker “The Ankle-Breaker” and fell, which isn’t what birds are supposed to do. ☹

J.R. Smith kind of “forgot” he was playing for a minute, and stepped off the court mid-play to hug Jason Terry, who was sitting on Milwaukee’s bench. This momentary… lapse (?) in judgment resulted in a wide-open Tony Snell, who scored an easy layup. ☹

J.R. then did his post-game interview in character, as a yet-to-be-named, ski-mask-wearing alter ego. ☺☹??

Amidst all this weirdness, I find myself most intrigued by J.R.’s alter ego. This dude is literally shrouded in secrecy. What’s his name? Was J.R. in character all night long? Is his alter ego just really into hugs?

All of this speculation got me wondering—what if the rest of the Cavs have alter egos, too? Tuesday was weird, let’s make Thursday even weirder, shall we?

Joey Smith

The ultimate people-person. Yes, this is a guy who loves to hug. Friends, teammates, opponents… he won’t let anything stop him from greeting his loved ones with a warm embrace. Joey is the guy who starts the group text to make Friday night plans with the squad, and he never, ever cancels.

Sometimes, like after tiring NBA games, Joey gets sleepy and doesn’t really feel like talking—especially to the media. He thinks that should be OK. A huge fan of the Harry Potter series, Joey wishes his ski mask worked like an invisibility cloak. He, like the OG J.R., only wears shirts when he absolutely has to—like during games and when he visits the White House.

Prince James

LeBron James has often said he would have loved to play football at Ohio State University. His alter ego, Prince, actually did. A highly recruited receiver, he lead the team his junior year, racking up 57 receptions for 1,160 yards and 16 touchdowns. Prince helped the Buckeyes bring home a national championship—and then two more.

After college and his football career ended, Prince found success opening a string of Chevrolet Dealerships around Northeast Ohio. His “Pop over to Prince’s!” commercials are famous. Prince got really into R&B rock and is currently spending a lot of time working on his music. He thinks he finally found his sound.

Steve Shumpert

Iman Shumpert is a rapping, dancing, modeling, baby-delivering phenomenon. (Sorry Dos Equis, he might actually be the most interesting man in the world.) So it only makes sense that his alter ego is a mild-mannered accountant named Steve who enjoys a gluten-free diet and loves walking his two cocker spaniels along the shores of Lake Erie.

Steve collects bow ties, probably. Once a week, he and his wife, Deborah, stop at Menchie’s for fat-free frozen yogurt. They hold hands while standing in line.

Doug Love

Doug’s a T-shirt-and-jeans kind of guy. Except when he’s wearing sweatpants, which is often. There’s no Banana Republic in his closet, thank you very much. But you will find plenty of Old Navy Performance Fleece.

Doug has a pet lizard and a girlfriend he met on PlentyofFish.com. They love watching reruns of The Office, and he’s real into Wrestlemania.

Kip Irving

He’s been online, chatting with hot babes all day. Not really, but Kip is a movie buff who lives to quote (and impersonate) his favorite flicks. He bikes to work from his downtown loft and spends more on designer glasses than any one person should. Kip’s a graphic designer, though, so he considers it a necessary business expense.

Kip starting playing the drums as a kid, as still does to this day. He absolutely loves it, although his neighbors absolutely don’t. Either way, he’s got rhythm.

Ty Blue

An aspiring performance artist, Ty spends a lot of time honing his craft. He hopes to someday join the Blue Man Group.

Hope that started your Thursday on a fun (and weird) note.

Have a good one, Cleveland.

Browns to dress like Bengal Bait for Week 14

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Oh good lord, Cleveland. We’re back at it again.

It’s time to shake off the bye-week dust, because the Browns are taking on an AFC North adversary in the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday. When they do so, as the team announced on Twitter, they’ll be wearing brown jerseys, brown pants and orange socks.

The Week-14 match-up against head coach Hue Jackson’s former team might be the Browns’ last chance to snap this season’s 0-12 losing streak, but we’ve already said that several times this season, haven’t we? They were supposed to have a shot against the Tennessee Titans in Week 6. How’d that work out? Or what about the first time they faced the Bengals in Week 7. Yeah, they lost that one by two touchdowns. The New York Giants were supposed to maybe overlook the Browns in Week 12, but here we are— still sitting winless with just three games left in the season.

That said, the uniform combination of brown and orange—and the fact that we’re facing 4-7 Cincinnati—can only have one name this week: Bengal Bait.

You know when you’re at the zoo, and you see the zookeepers put a huge platter of nondescript meat in the middle of the tiger pen. It never lasts long, does it? I imagine Sunday’s game will be something like that. Good luck, Cleveland.

As always, here’s your weekly reminder of what the Browns have worn—and have they’ve fared—so far this season. Spoiler alert: there aren’t any wins on the list.

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Week 10: The Pathetic Pasties
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: White
Result: L @ Baltimore Ravens, 28-7

Week 11: The Tic-Tac-D’OH!
Jerseys: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Pittsburgh Steelers, 24-9

Week 12: The Lousy Leftovers
Jerseys: Brown
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. New York Giants, 27-13

For the Browns, it’s the Frost Bites this Sunday

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A few things we know with absolute certainty, Cleveland:

• The Cleveland Browns are heading to Buffalo, New York, for a Week-15 matchup against Tyrod Taylor and the 6-7 Bills.
• The Browns are currently 0-13, and inching closer and closer to a “perfect,” winless season.
• It’s going to be a cold, snowy Sunday, with temperatures in Buffalo hovering around 20 degrees and a 50% chance of snow.
• The Browns will be wearing white jerseys, brown pants and orange socks for the frigid faceoff.

All things considered, it’s going to be a long Sunday afternoon for Cody Kessler, Hue Jackson and the Browns. Thank God Swagger (and what’s left of the Browns’ fan base) doesn’t travel much for road games.

I’m calling this uniform look, which the team announced via Twitter, the Frost Bites for several reasons. First… well, it’s cold, and it’s going to be even colder spending Sunday afternoon getting pummeled by the Bills in the snow. Secondly, the Browns will be wearing white jerseys, which will blend in nicely with the snow, and finally, let’s face it, this team bites… and not in the way a dog does.

Interestingly enough, of the heels of a seven-point loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers in Week 14, some Buffalo fans are calling for coach Rex Ryan to bench starting quarterback Taylor in favor of E.J. Manuel (who?) or former Ohio State Buckeye Cardale Jones to take on the Browns. Isn’t the idea of a fan base—whose team has almost as many wins as losses—being up in arms over facing the Browns just kind of silly?

What would we Cleveland fans give to be sitting 6-7 right now and about to play a winless disaster? Buffalo, if you’re listening, no need to stir up a quarterback controversy. You’re playing the Frost Bites. Everything will be just fine.

As always, here’s your weekly recap of the uniform looks of the Browns’ “perfect” season:

Big Savings for Big Fans at Fanatics.comWeek 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Week 10: The Pathetic Pasties
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: White
Result: L @ Baltimore Ravens, 28-7

Week 11: The Tic-Tac-D’OH!
Jerseys: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Pittsburgh Steelers, 24-9

Week 12: The Lousy Leftovers
Jerseys: Brown
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. New York Giants, 27-13

Week 13: BYE

Week 14: Bengal Bait
Jerseys: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Cincinnati Bengals, 23-10

The Party That Didn’t Stop: Top Stories of 2016 — No. 7

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As we have throughout the last several years, WFNY will use the last two weeks of December to discuss the most important stories of the last twelve months. Stay with us as we count down the biggest and most discussed topics of 2016. OurBest of 2016” makes a stop at the biggest party of the summer.

Most people couldn’t take a Sharpie and some poster board and turn it into $200,000, but most people aren’t Nate Crowe.

When the Cleveland Indians fan made a somewhat silly sign on a whim last April, he had no idea he’d be creating a movement—and a six-figure donation for Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital.

But that’s exactly what he—and Party at Napoli’s—did.


Crowe will be the first to tell you: Party at Napoli’s started in the most unlikely of places… a group text.

“Nothing good ever comes from a group text,” Crowe told WFNY. “We’ve all been there. Some poor soul starts up a discussion and the next thing you know, your phone is dead because your neighbor’s cousin’s roommate is sending out brownie recipes to 15 people.”

This time, however, something was different. As Crowe and company were making plans to attend the Friday, April 20 home game against the Seattle Mariners, they began discussing ways they could “add some fun” to the early-season, overcast game.

“I came up with the idea of making an oversized sign that the players could read from the dugout,” Crowe said, reflecting back. “We discussed which players and media personalities would get the biggest kick out of it.”

First basemen Mike Napoli seemed like an obvious choice for Crowe, as did the idea of hosting an after-game victory party at Napoli’s home. A giant sign bearing “Party at Napoli’s” in bold, capital letters was quickly concocted and that night, armed with free tickets obtained through the Indians’ #TribeLive promotion, Crowe settled into Progressive Field’s Right Field District.

“One of the hidden, unknown, and under-utilized treasures about #TribeLive is the unlimited possibilities its location provides,” Crowe said of the spot he secured that night. “The location is visible from all around the ballpark, and from most angles on TV.”

That high visibility proved instantly successful. At the start of the game, Crowe held up the sign and got the attention of those sitting around him. Soon after, tweets and pictures from several sections around the ballpark tagged with #TribeLive and #PartyAtNapolis began popping up on Twitter. Before long, fans started to make their way over to Crowe, asking to take pictures with the sign. Known as @HipsterTito on Twitter, Crowe’s popularity—and knowledge of the sign’s presence at the ballpark—spread quickly.

“One of the more memorable moments of that night was at last call,” Crowe said. “I followed a beer vendor around shouting ‘LAST CALL NOW, NAPOLI’S LATER!’”

A few days later, as the phrase continued to gain popularity on social media, Indians broadcaster Jensen Lewis weaved “Party at Napoli’s” into a post-game recap that featured a three-run blast from the first baseman. In-game announcer Andre Knott used it as well, and Crowe knew it was time to take Party at Napoli’s to the next level. Using iron-on lettering and an $8 T-shirt from Target, he created a custom-designed tee for Napoli himself. Crowe passed it to the team in hopes that they’d get the shirt into Napoli’s hands.

WFNY’s Top 10 Stories of 2016:
  1. December 29
  2. December 28
  3. December 27
  4. December 23
  5. December 22
  6. December 21
  7. Party at Napoli’s
  8. Gordon out, Pryor in
  9. Jose Ramirez Arrives
  10. Ohio State’s Return to the CFP

Sure enough, they did. After hitting a game-winning, walk-off sacrifice fly against Kansas City on June 2, Napoli was interviewed by Knott for the team’s post-game show. During the interview, the camera panned wide, revealing that he was wearing Crowe’s custom shirt. At the conclusion of the interview, Knott inquired about it. Napoli’s on-air response was simple and perfect. “Party at Napoli’s, baby!” That well-timed appearance resulted in a huge response on Twitter—and in the Tribe clubhouse. Shirts weren’t just wanted by fans and players alike, they were needed immediately.

“Napoli loved the idea to make the shirt available to everyone,” Crowe told WFNY, “but made his approval contingent on portions of the proceeds going to charity.”

After consulting with a few local vendors, the team reached out to Crowe about working with an MLBPA-approved manufacturer, 108 Stitches, to mass-produce a Party at Napoli’s shirt. Crowe worked closely with the team and the designers from 108 Stitches on the shirt’s look, making sure to match the original theme and lighthearted nature of the phrase.

Matching Napoli’s generosity, Crowe, the father of three small children, insisted his portion of the proceeds also be donated to Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital. As shirts were created, shipped and flying out of the Indians Team Shop faster than they could be stocked, Crowe didn’t make a dime.

“My oldest son was born two-and-a-half months premature. I remember him being three pounds and holding him in the palms of my hands. I also remember the two months of hospital bills and $2,000 per shot of steroids for him to grow and develop,” Crowe said. “Adding to Napoli’s choice of Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital was such a natural choice for me. We live in such a cool world where having a good time can help somebody else join that fun. That’s enough of a royalty for me.”


Four short months and 9,000 sales later, Party at Napoli’s had raised more than $120,000 for Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital. Shirts were selling out in less than a day. Fans from around the world were reaching out to @HipsterTito. Indians players—and opponents—had embraced the movement and were wearing the shirt with pride. Party at Napoli’s was everywhere, and Crowe found himself in a perpetual “pinch me” moment.

“It really wasn’t ‘supposed’ to happen that way, but wow did it ever,” Crowe told WFNY. “It was unbelievably special to hear it mentioned on TV, to see the shirts around town or meet absolute strangers from all over who just wanted to join in on the fun. Getting to meet Mike and introduce him to my immediate family was an incredible experience.”

After spending all season talking about a Party at Napoli’s, the only logical thing for Crowe and the Indians to do was to throw one. On Sunday, September 4, following their game against the Miami Marlins, the team hosted an exclusive event at the ballpark’s Corner Bar. For $75 a ticket, fans were given the opportunity to interact with Tribe players, enjoy light refreshments and a cash bar, and receive a limited-edition red Party at Napoli’s shirt. All proceeds benefited Cleveland Clinic Children’s, VeloSano, and Cleveland Indians Charities.

Napoli and several teammates took turns tending bar, including rookie Tyler Naquin, eventual Gold-Glove winner Francisco Lindor, utility man Carlos Santana, and veteran Coco Crisp. The Indians hosted a raffle to further expand the evening’s charitable donations, and one fan paid $200 as a bar tip to Napoli if he’d call the fan’s wife and introduce himself—which he gladly did.

Courtesy of Nate Crowe

Courtesy of Nate Crowe

Crowe described the scene as “jovial,” with the team riding high following a game-winning single by Lonnie Chisenhall earlier in the evening. That wave of positivity carried the team through the rest of the season and into the playoffs , when a special-edition Post Party at Napoli’s shirt was released.

via Fox 8

via Fox 8

The Indians’ season didn’t end on the note fans were hoping for, and T-shirt sales have gradually slowed since that chilly first week in November. While a check has yet to be cut for Cleveland Clinic Children’s, the final tally for donations raised by Party at Napoli’s is closing in on $200,000. For Crowe, countless thanks, thoughtful tokens, and an invitation to speak at the year-end review for the hospital’s Philanthropy Institute have made the journey even more worthwhile.”The folks at Children’s said it was the largest charitable donation tied to a product they’ve ever received,” Crowe said. “It’s mind-blowing when you put that into perspective.”


With Mike Napoli’s future in Cleveland still very much up in the air, Indians fans can’t necessarily count on seeing his well-known beard and heavily tattooed forearms guarding first base next season.

What we can count on, however, is the memory of a movement that no one in Cleveland is soon to forget. Party at Napoli’s is proof that a well-connected fan base—and a team that takes notice—can take something small and build something incredibly big and meaningful. One by one and shirt by shirt, we fans raised nearly $200,000 to benefit children in need—and that’s a party worth celebrating.

Party at Napoli’s shirts are still available here.

10 Ways to Better Spend Your Sundays: While We’re Waiting

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Happy Thursday, Cleveland! And while we’re at it, happy holidays, too!

I know we haven’t even gotten to Christmas and Hanukkah yet, but I won’t be back in this space before New Years. So I wanted to use my last While We’re Waiting of 2016 to offer you, sweet reader, some advice for 2017.

While many people set goals related to losing pounds or gaining funds at the start of a new year, I think it’s time we talk about the Cleveland Browns. More importantly, I think it’s time we talk about collectively walking away from them. I implore you: Make a New Years’ resolution to give up on the Browns. Seriously, just do it. It’s time to put an end this relationship. It’s not you; it’s them.

Think of all the things you could do when your Sunday afternoons suddenly open up. Yes, there are only two games left this season. But let’s think ahead to next fall. It’s not like the Browns are going to be suddenly good come September 2017.

Here are 10 ways to better spend your Sundays in 2017—and beyond. Because Browns.

Go to Brunch

This is first on the list for two reasons: Mimosas and bacon. Seriously, you guys, Cleveland is #blessed with crazy-good brunch places, you’re going to run out of Sundays before you run out of places to try.

benedict

Courtesy of Urban Farmer

Urban Farmer (West 6th and St. Clair downtown) and Dante Next Door (Tremont) are two personal favorites where you absolutely can’t go wrong. Also check out Market in Rocky River, XYZ the Tavern in Gordon Square and Press Wine Bar in Tremont. And maybe just go ahead and wear your fat pants. You’ll thank me later.

Make it a Sunday Funday

Whether or not your day begins with brunch, I suggest indulging in the occasional Sunday afternoon cocktail that spills into two or three or seven. Does that make me sound like a lush? Possibly. But nothing beats the Sunday Scaries (that gloomy feeling of dread when you think about the week ahead) like gathering your favorite people to imbibe on your favorite drinks.

And, nothing makes it easier to ignore the Browns—trust me.

133

via Cleveland Scene

Start at one of the places I’ve listed above, and then see where the day takes you. Just be safe about it, OK? Uber makes it ridiculously easy to not drive while you’re cocktailing around town.

Shop a Local Vendor

While nobody loves Target more than I do, I also love throwing my support (and dollars) behind Cleveland’s local vendors. The Cleveland Flea, Cleveland Bazaar, and 5th Street Arcades are great places to get started, as are shops like Banyan Tree, Fount and Happy Hour Collection. You could even do a tour of Cleveland T-shirt companies.

This activity is great following brunch/Sunday Funday, but you don’t necessarily have to be boozed-up to shop. In my experience, it just leads to more fun/spending.

Check Out the West Side Market

This Cleveland gem has been around since 1912 and recently added Sunday hours to its schedule. Whether or not you need to pick up gourmet groceries, give yourself an hour or two to walk around, check out the stands, and take in the gorgeous sights.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOAJMNJAADZ/?taken-by=westsidemarket

Of course, you should probably grab a crepe or a cookie or a salami while you’re there. Or all of the above? Probably all of the above.

Run a Marathon

JUST KIDDING. Have a Netflix marathon instead. Close the blinds, put on your coziest sweats and binge away, my friend. Watch Master of None if you haven’t yet, please. People seem to dig Stranger Things, though I haven’t gotten around to it. You can always re-watch a classic like The Office or Parks and Rec. It doesn’t matter what you watch, just remember that having your TV occupied all day will help lots when it comes to ignoring the Browns game.

Have a GiggleFest

This is a term I made up for when you fall into the rabbit hole of the Internet and lose a few minutes/hours watching silly videos and giggling nonstop. It may sound scary, but it’s really easy, you guys. I swear.

Here are a few of my favorite gigglefest videos to get you started:

Conan O’Brien Plays 1864 Baseball
Triumph the Comedy Dog Visits Chicago’s Weiner’s Circle
YAS Cat
Billy on the Street Christmas Ambush with Amy Poehler
Cookie Monster Apple Commercial

Be Charitable

If boozing all afternoon or slothing around in your sweats doesn’t sound appealing to you, you can spend your Sunday giving back. I’m a huge fan of the Cleveland Animal Protective League because puppies. Organizations like Malachi House, Greater Cleveland Food Bank, and even Destination Cleveland are always looking for volunteers, donations, and helpers.

Be a Tourist

When you live here, I think it’s really easy to forget about all of the cool sightseeing that can be done in and around Cleveland. Why not spend your Sunday checking out placing like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, the Cleveland Museum of Art, or the Cleveland Museum of Natural History? Or, if you have little ones in tow, places like the Great Lakes Science Center, Cleveland Zoo, and Greater Cleveland Aquarium are perfect for spending an afternoon away from the Browns.

If you’re on a budget, walk around cool (and free) spots like Public Square, Playhouse Square, and North Coast Harbor. Just be careful in North Coast Harbor, as it’s dangerously close to the Factory of Sadness.

See a Show

If you’re into music (and really, isn’t everyone?), Cleveland has tons of venues both big and small. From gritty/amazing holes in the wall like Mahall’s and Beachland Ballroom to more sizable places like the House of Blues, check upcoming schedules for your favorite acts, or try something completely new. After all, you’re no longer into the Browns—maybe now you’re into some new type of music? It’s a new year! Try new things.

Relive the Greatness

You could always do the exact opposite of watching the Browns. And by that, I mean re-watching Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals. In case you forgot: The Warriors and their unanimous league MVP blew a 3-1 lead and the Cleveland Cavaliers won Game 7 and the whole damn thing. Watch it again.

(Jose Carlos Fajardo/Bay Area News Group via AP)

(Jose Carlos Fajardo/Bay Area News Group via AP)

Have fun, you guys. Happy holidays and happy new year.

Browns’ uniforms will be Horrible Holidays on Saturday

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In the midst of the merriment of the holidays, the Cleveland Browns are taking on the San Diego Chargers in a rare Saturday afternoon game. The 5-9 Chargers, lead by quarterback Philip Rivers, currently sit at the bottom of the AFC West—but that shouldn’t stop the Browns from advancing to a near-perfect 0-15.

On Wednesday evening, the Browns announced on Twitter their plans to wear brown jerseys, white pants and brown socks for the Christmas Eve game.

It’d be absolutely ridiculous to ignore Christmas and Hanukkah when naming this uniform look, so I’m going to go with the Horrible Holidays. After all, there’s no way this game goes anything but horribly, right?

Because Week 16’s game is on Christmas Eve, the Horrible Holidays should be easy enough to ignore. There are presents to wrap and cheesy potatoes to eat, Grandmothers to visit and baby cousins to squeeze. If you need some ideas for occupying yourself during the day, though, I’ve got you covered.

If, for some reason, you’re choosing to subject yourself to witnessing the Horrible Holidays in person, I have a lot of questions for you. But it turns out, the first 3,500 fans inside FirstEnergy Stadium on Saturday will be “gifted” a Duke Johnson elf. This raises a lot more questions for me, like will there even be 3,500 fans in attendance and who want this?

If you’re attending, watching or paying attention to the Horrible Holidays in any way, best of luck. Here’s hoping for a Christmas miracle. As always, here’s a reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve fared—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Week 10: The Pathetic Pasties
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: White
Result: L @ Baltimore Ravens, 28-7

Week 11: The Tic-Tac-D’OH!
Jerseys: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Pittsburgh Steelers, 24-9

Week 12: The Lousy Leftovers
Jerseys: Brown
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. New York Giants, 27-13

Week 13: BYE

Week 14: Bengal Bait
Jerseys: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Cincinnati Bengals, 23-10

Week 15: The Frost Bites
Jerseys: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Buffalo Bills, 33-13

When RG3 met HGTV: While We’re Waiting

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It’s always a bizarre experience when worlds collide. Friends meeting the new boyfriend. Co-workers meeting friends. Family meeting your book club or knitting circle or Sunday-Funday daytime drinking crew. Whatever the scenario, when two things you love separately are suddenly smushed together, it can be awkward. It can also be amazing, but it’s a slippery slope.

Such was the case when I saw a commercial promoting that Browns quarterback Robert Griffin III would be appearing on an upcoming episode of HGTV’s “Fixer Upper.” In that moment, the record playing in my head scratched to a halt. What now, HGTV?

I’ll go ahead and confess that I worship in the shiplap-laden church of Chip and Joanna Gaines. The hosts of the incredibly popular series set in their hometown of Waco, Texas, Chip and JoJo are “goals” in just about every sense. They’re just the right amount of imperfect and goofy and sweet. They’re raising an adorable family in an adorable farmhouse. JoJo’s impeccable taste is the stuff my Pinterest dreams are made of.

The Gaines are building a home-improvement empire on reclaimed wood and saying things like “y’all,” and here they are teaming up with the guy who was supposed to deliver Cleveland some football salvation but spent most of the 2016 NFL season on the IR?

The partnership makes about as much sense as Griffin’s place on the Browns’ roster in the first place, but here we are.

via @Browns

via @Browns

Despite my general uneasiness about worlds colliding, I had to give this episode a chance. Unfortunately, it aired directly opposite of President Barack Obama’s Farewell Address on Tuesday night. Fortunately, DVR. Wednesday evening I settled in, glass of red wine in hand and boyfriend freed of any required HGTV viewing, to watch.

Two minutes into the episode and the RG3/Chip and JoJo connection made more sense. The Gaines are huge fans of Baylor University, of which RGIII played for… a minor detail I probably used to know but had completely forgotten. Griffin’s Family of 3 foundation, which strives to support programs that benefit struggling military families, had reached out to Chip and JoJo in hopes of partnering on a special project.

The goal was simple but special: renovate the Waco home of Vietnam veteran Bill Graham and his late wife, Sherry. Graham, who enlisted in 1965, served 41 years in the Army and National Guard and now suffers from spinal stenosis and prostate cancer. Sherry, who was ill at the time of filming, passed away before the episode aired.

“Families like the Grahams, they pay the ultimate sacrifice for this country,” Griffin, whose own parents both served in the military, told the Gaines. “I feel like those are the people that we need to be helping more and more.”

The plan was to “open up” the Graham’s 800-square-foot home, creating more usable space to enjoy together with their children and grandchildren. RG3 jumped in to assist Chip on “Demo Day,” in which they donned matching T-shirts, smashed walls and high-fived a lot. Volunteers from the U.S. Army were brought in to assist with renovations, and, as with everything Joanna touches, the finished project was absolutely perfect and amazing. Grab your tissues, y’all.

No, YOU’RE crying. I wish I could tell you that RG3 was featured throughout the episode, but there wasn’t any more than his hammer-swinging on Demo Day. Commitments to the team kept him away from the Graham’s big reveal, but it was clear throughout the episode how much Griffin’s foundation contributed to the project.

“When I found out that RG3 and the Family of 3 foundation was going to do this, it was a total shock to me that I could be that lucky,” Graham said through tears. “Things like this just don’t happen to people very often.”

If you missed it, ESPN’s Pat McManamon reports that RG3’s episode of “Fixer Upper” will air again on Sunday, January 15, at 7 p.m. ET and Tuesday, January 17, at 8.


Who has the biggest vocabulary in hip-hop? While We’re Waiting

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Hi, Cleveland! How’s everyone doing? Hanging in there? Overwhelmed by Cavs dissention and snow and our country’s current political state? Me too.

In all honesty, I’ve taken to avoiding a lot of social media as of late. I’m (vocally) quite liberal and also incredibly emotionally charged. One too many posts involving the actions and effects of President Cheeto Monster, and I find myself weeping over my iPad. Lately, the Cavs haven’t been there for me to serve as a happy little distraction. It’s just horrible news bite after horrible news bite—with about a foot of snow on top.

Taking a step away from inundating myself with all that awfulness has been pretty wonderful… except when it hasn’t been. I’m talking about the times I miss all the other stuff we come to the internet for: Corgi videos, shocking pregnancy announcements (I see you, Bey), and general, all-around amazing stuff shared by our friends and family members.

Such was the case Tuesday afternoon when a co-worker stopped by my office. “Oh. My. God. Have you seen this?!” she squeaked, laptop in hand. She shared with me then what I’ll share with you now, an interactive infographic that measure who has the largest vocabulary in hip-hop:

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 7.44.19 PM

It’s important to note that I work in the creative department of a marketing-communications agency. We create infographics every day, and often share amongst ourselves other interesting and inspiring examples we find. Never have I seen anything this cool.

Check the full version here. It’s amazing.

Created by Matt Daniels for Polygraph, the infographic measures how many unique (i.e. different) words were used within 85 rappers’ first 35,000 lyrics. From Daniels:

I used each artist’s first 35,000 lyrics. That way, prolific artists, such as Jay-Z, could be compared to newer artists, such as Drake. 35,000 words covers 3-5 studio albums and EPs. I included mixtapes if the artist was just short of the 35,000 words. Quite a few rappers don’t have enough official material to be included (e.g., Biggie, Kendrick Lamar).

I used a research methodology called token analysis to determine each artist’s vocabulary. Each word is counted once, so pimps, pimp, pimping, and pimpin are four unique words. To avoid issues with apostrophes (e.g., pimpin’ vs. pimpin), they’re removed from the dataset. It still isn’t perfect. Hip hop is full of slang that is hard to transcribe (e.g., shorty vs. shawty), compound words (e.g., king shit), featured vocalists, and repetitive choruses.

Matt Daniels, you are doing the Lord’s work. Not only does he offer the option of viewing the results color-coded by region, Daniels also includes plot points for William Shakespeare and Herman Melville as benchmarks. I know what you’re thinking… what?!

Let’s examine some interesting finds among the rappers measured, from the obscure to the expected to the big surprises:

No. 1 – Aesop Rock

I’ll confess two things immediately: I’ve never heard of Aesop Rock before this, and I’m incredibly uncool. I’m assuming those two facts are intertwined. I was intrigued, though, after reading from Daniels that he had originally excluded Aesop Rock from the study, assuming he was too obscure. The Reddit hip-hop community quickly clamored for Aesop Rock’s inclusion, and they were right—he actually scored so far to the right, Daniels claims that the 40-year-old, Portland-based freestyle rapper would be off the chart.

A sampling from Aesop Rock’s “Daylight,” 2001:
Yoput one up shackle me, not clean logic procreation
I did not invent the wheel I was the crooked spoke adjacent
While the triple sixers lassos keep angels roped in the basement
I walk the block with a halo and a stick poking your patience

Nos. 2, 6, 7, 9, 20, and 23 – Wu-Tang Clan

I think the key finding here is that nobody should challenge the vocabulary of any Wu-Tang Member EVER. Four of the top 10 rankings being given to members of the Wu-Tang collective. Raekwon and Method Man, whose averages are lower than other Wu-Tang members, still exceed most artists in hip-hop. One could assume that, given all the time they spent collaborating, members of Wu-Tang exposed each other to their vocabularies, including new words and ideas, gradually building a more sweeping shared vernacular.  Ghostface Killah, I had no idea you were so well read.

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 7.55.55 PM

Nos. 26 and 33 – Busta Rhymes and Twista

Though more often recognized for their speed, Daniels points out that both Busta and Twista are just as lyrically diverse—if not more so—than many of their peers. Unrelated, but I’ll point out the Busta Rhymes leads all rappers for having been spotted by me at The Fountainbleau Hotel in Miami Beach. He also ranks No. 1 for having his body guard yell at me for taking a photo of him.

A sampling from Busta Rhymes’ “Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See,” 1997:
Hit you with no delaying so what you sayin yo
Silly with my nine milli, what the deally yo
When I be on the mic yes I do my duty yo
Wild up in the club like we wild in the studio

No. 67, 68, 71, 72, and 83 – Snoop Dogg, 2PAC, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and Drake

What I found most interesting about Daniels’ research is what became obvious after spending a little time with it: some of the most popular artists in hip-hop were in the bottom 20 percent for lyric differentiation. As Daniels points out, no one celebrates Lil Wayne for the complexity of his word choices. But I expected other names, especially guys like Yeezy, to rank far above average. No matter what West thinks of himself, however, numbers are like buckets: They don’t lie.

A sampling from Kanye West’s “Touch the Sky,” 2005:
Take ’em back to the plan…
Me and my momma hopped in the U-Haul van.
Any pessimists I ain’t talked to them,
Plus, I ain’t have no phone in my apartment.

No. 85 – DMX

Someone has to come in last, right? I wasn’t super surprised to see good ol’ DMX ranked toward the bottom of the list, but I’m not sure I would have expected him to be dead last. I hadn’t considered it, but Daniels points out that though lyrically simple, DMX’s music is memorable for its “raw energy and honesty,” and I definitely think he’s right. Listen to “Party Up” and don’t find yourself enjoying it, I dare you.  And to be honest, when it came to DMX, the only thing I thought about was that Vine of the llama hopping to the beat of “Party Up.”

A sampling from DMX’s “Party Up,” 1999:
Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind
Up in here, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me go all out
Up in here, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me act a FOOL
Up in HERE, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool
Up in here, up in here

As we get ready to take on this Thursday, let’s look to the energetic wisdom of DMX for a little motivation, Cleveland. No matter what happens today, don’t lose your mind. Don’t act a fool and definitely, whatever you do, don’t lose your cool. But if you want to go all out? I say go for it.

Have a great day up in here, you guys.

Welcome to Frye Island: While We’re Waiting

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For some reason, I’ve always been hot and cold with podcasts. Either I’m listening to them nonstop, or I’m not listening to them whatsoever. Occasionally something grabs my interest and I can’t get enough…until I find it easy to walk away.1

Like a lot of people, the first season of Serial is what brought me to podcasts in the first place. To say I was hooked would be an understatement—I listened to 11 episodes in a week. I just pretend the second season didn’t happen.

Since then, I’ve dabbled in a handful of podcasts off and on. Garbage Time with Katie Nolan is a sometimes-regular favorite, hosted by my favorite girl on Earth. Bachelor Party, on Bill Simmons’ Channel 33 network, is exactly what you think it is (a week-by-week recap of each episode of The Bachelor), so I can only listen to that one when the weekly “reality” show is “in season.”

It was the latest round of Bachelor Party pods that got me back into listening in general. After a few days of binging to get caught up on the dating escapades of Nick Viall, I was looking for a new podcast to enjoy. On the recommendation of a friend, an unexpected little gem called Road Trippin’ turned out to be exactly what I needed.

Featuring Cleveland Cavaliers Richard Jefferson and Channing Frye, Road Trippin’ is literally recorded while the team is on the road. Whether they’re in a swanky hotel, a visitor’s training room, or 40,000 feet in the air, the duo sits down with FOX Sports Ohio’s Allie Clifton to discuss everything from fast food and throwback music to Snapchat, SoulCycle and the Super Bowl. With various teammates guest-starring on each episode, the podcast gives an almost unreal peak behind the Cavs’ curtain—and an in-depth look into each athlete’s life, personality and sense of humor.

WFNY’s Andrew Schnitkey touched on it last week, and completely nailed it when he said Road Trippin’ is “The most unguarded, down to earth, and casual conversation I have ever heard when it comes to NBA players. It feels less like listening to a podcast and more like sitting at the table with the players as they have dinner together. It’s an invitation into their real lives in a way we so rarely get as sports fans.”

I couldn’t agree with that sentiment more. And for me, one of the most enjoyable parts of the transparency of Road Trippin’ has been getting to know so much random, and sometimes hilarious stuff, about RJ and Channing. Some of my favorite discoveries:

The History Between RJ and Channing. The chemistry between Frye and Jefferson is undeniable, and it makes even more sense when the pair discusses their history together. Turns out, when Channing visited the University of Arizona as a high school senior, RJ was his host… and took money out of Channing’s forgotten wallet.

The Invention of Frye Island. I don’t want to give away too much, because it’s funnier to let Channing explain. Just know that when he edited his own Wikipedia page at the end of last year, it was for good reason.

Channing is an Emotional Eater. When I have a bad day, I usually run straight for the tacos. Turns out Channing and I have more in common than I would have thought. Shout out to Rally’s.

Their Favorite Road Trip Snacks. As well as an affinity for Rax fries.

Shop Cleveland Cavaliers Gear at Fanatics.comTheir Professional Wrestling Personas. It’s a topic that comes up a lot, especially with their Cavs teammates, and it had me laughing out loud while driving up 77 North. Just know that there is at least one banana hammock involved.

RJ Likes to Work Out. Kind of a lot. While it’s not really a surprise considering he’s a professional athlete, it’s still crazy to hear what the 36-year-old Jefferson considers to be one day’s worth of exercise.

Kyrie Thinks the Earth is Flat. Maybe. To say it was widely covered would be an understatement, but on Episode 7, Cavs PG Kyrie Irving delves into his favorite conspiracy theories—including the notion that the round shape of the Earth isn’t proven. “There is no concrete information except for the information that they’re giving us,” Kyrie said on the podcast. Oh… OK.

Believe me when I say this is just a tiny sampling of what you’ll hear in the nine episodes of Road Trippin’ currently available. It’s a can’t-miss for Cleveland sports fans. Whether you listen while driving, working or working out, you’ll feel as though you are literally along for the ride with Jefferson and Frye—belly laughs, technical glitches and topic tangents included.

Go download those episodes. You won’t be disappointed.

  1. Except, of course, WFNY’s podcast, as well as the Friday Fumble, which are regularly on rotation during my daily commute.

A few things to look forward to as we head into Spring: While We’re Waiting

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It’s a weird time in our world, Cleveland. There’s not a ton going on sports-wise for our teams.

Sure, the Cavs are playing—but they’ve been playing for what feels like 37 consecutive months. And as the NBA’s marathon-long regular season drudges on, starters are resting and the playoffs still feel years away.

The Indians are warming up in Goodyear, but the combination of midday games and the perpetual three-hour time difference just makes them a bit hard to follow right now. It’s fun to follow things like Michael Brantley’s progress on Twitter,1 but that’s been about it.

The Browns are… there, I guess. (Are they?)

Don’t @ me that March Maddness is upon us. I’m aware and I’m excited. But that bracket-bonanza fun can be fleeting—especially as the tournament rolls on. Plus, as an OU Bobcat, I have no real dog in this fight.2

You know what else is weird for us right now? It’s cold. Like… really cold. Cold AF. So cold I had to take off my mittens to type this column.

And, while sports are a bit boring and we’re all basically walking around like little, frosty human popsicles right now, there are still plenty of awesome things to look forward to in the coming weeks and months. Let’s spend our Thursday morning together talking about those, shall we?

S-Town, the new podcast from Serial
Debuts March 28

YOU GUYS. Yes, I’ve gone on the record to say I hated Season 2 of the Serial podcast just as much as I loved Season 1, but I am so excited for this.

Produced by the folks at Serial and This American Life, S-Town seems to get back to what Sarah Koening and company did best—peeling back the layers of a complex murder mystery. From the podcast’s homepage:

John despises his Alabama town and decides to do something about it. He asks a reporter to investigate the son of a wealthy family who’s allegedly been bragging that he got away with murder. But then someone else ends up dead, sparking a nasty feud, a hunt for hidden treasure, and an unearthing of the mysteries of one man’s life.

OK, S-Town, I’m intrigued. Check out the homepage for an audio preview of the podcast, which runs about two-and-a-half minutes and confirms my suspicion that “S-Town” is short for “Shit-Town.”

The best part about the forthcoming pod? Taking a page from Netflix, all seven episodes of the season will be released at once. Hello, S-Town podcast binging! Nobody ask me to hang out on March 28. I’m busy.3

Cleveland International Film Festival
March 30—April 9

I’ve mentioned before that I am a CIFF seasonal staff member, and I just wanted to remind everyone how amazing it is. Held over 12 magical days inside Downtown’s Tower City Cinemas, CIFF is an amazing opportunity to expand your horizons, laugh until you cry, or just actually cry—because sometimes films are heavy.

In 2016, CIFF drew attendance numbers higher than 102,000 people, with 192 feature films representing 72 countries. There were also more than 200 short films screened, and 300 guest filmmakers from around the world here to visit. During my time working for CIFF, I’ve had the chance to meet some of those filmmakers—and they always say the same thing, “There is nothing on Earth quite like the Cleveland International Film Festival.” It’s not stuffy or pretentious, snobby or elitist. CIFF is welcoming, silly, serious, and moving.

I promise you, there is something for everyone. Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning here. Think about it, OK? And if you have questions, please reach out. I’ll be happy to help.

Opening Day
April 11

The two greatest words in the English language, and probably my favorite day of the entire year. Robbed of our experience last year due to some inclement weather and even worse planning on behalf of the team, I’m finding myself doubly excited for this season’s home opener.

Daytime beers, helmet nachos, a day off of work, BASEBALL, and the feeling that summertime is slowly meandering our way. What more could a Clevelander possibly want? Besides a win over the White Sox, and an elusive Kluber smile, of course.

Master of None, Season 2
Debuting May 12

I can’t say enough about how much I loved Season 1 of this Netflix gem, but I’ll try. Master of None is the Emmy-award-winning, semi-autobiographical story of Dev (Aziz Ansari) as he navigates a stalled acting career and dating as a 30-something. It is smart and funny and “real” and, at times, heartbreaking.

And now, it will have a second season.

Is that the Italian countryside I see? Dev and his friend, Arnold, zipping around on Vespas? You guys! I’m so excited for this!


Alright, guys, that’s my short life of “things I’m excited about to get me through the rest of this hum-drum sports-slump and freezing cold, miserable weather.” Tell me—what am I missing? What are you most excited for in the next few weeks and months? Tell me in the comments, enjoy the opening of March Madness, and have a great Thursday, Cleveland. We’re almost there.

  1. Jason Kipnis’ shoulder, not so much.
  2. Except for Villanova, whom I picked to win it all.
  3. Editor’s note: For podcast fans, this episode dump appears to be the next wave. The NY Times recently did this with their “13 songs that capture our moment” series.

Wrestling’s most unlikely fan: While We’re Waiting

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“Just try it,” he pleaded.

I’m reluctant, and let out a deep sigh to tell him so.

“It’s fun, I swear,” he continues. “Just give it a chance.”

********

Several weeks later, and he and I are sitting on the same couch, in front of the same flat screen TV.

“There’s NO WAY they’d move Seth Rollins,” he says. “He was Raw’s first pick in the draft less than a year ago!”

“YEAH BUT,” I dispute,” Dean Ambrose was SmackDown’s first pick in that same draft… and they’ve already moved him!”

He looks at me with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open in equal parts shock and adoration as professional wrestling blares in the background. “Look at you!” he exclaims.

How did we get here? And who have I become?

********

It started innocently enough. In the midst of our usual “Tuesday-night-pizza-and-TV date,” we were surfing channels, desperate for something to watch.

Boyfriend came across SmackDown, the second of two consecutive nights of live WWE programming that airs weekly on the USA network. He wanted to watch.

I… didn’t. Not even a little bit.

He pleaded and made his case, promising it would be over-the-top and entertaining. I, who had never watched a minute of professional wrestling in my life, reluctantly agreed.

The over-the-top storylines. The ridiculous acting. The allies and adversaries and absurdity. It was more manufactured drama than The Bachelor and, not only was Boyfriend right about WWE being entertaining, it wasn’t long before I was hooked.

Which brings us to this week when, on the heels of the thirty-third Wrestlemania just eight days earlier, the main WWE franchises, Raw and SmackDown, announced a “Superstar Skakeup.” Half of these “Shakeup” announcements, in which personalities from each of two programs would switch to the other, would take place on Monday night’s program, Raw, and the other half on Tuesday’s live show, SmackDown.

For those who don’t follow wrestling: First of all, if you’re still reading to this point, THANK YOU. Second, think of Raw and SmackDown like the American League and National League. Similar but different—and usually separate. Both “leagues” play under the same corporate umbrella, with occasional opportunities for crossover.

Missing the opportunity to watch Raw live, Boyfriend and I sat down after the Indians’ Home Opener on Tuesday night to catch up on both—and see what the “Shakeup” had in store. If you’re familiar with WWE, you know that this is five hours of wrestling programming. That’s a feat we don’t normally attempt, but so much wrestling backed into one evening gave me so much to think about. I started taking notes.

The Biggest Moves to Raw

  • SmackDown’s Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose, whose hair looks perpetually damp, made the jump to Raw. I found this shocking, because he was definitely a central figure on Tuesday night’s show, most recently feuding with Baron Corbin, whose hair also looks perpetually damp. (Perhaps the source of their feud?)

Photo: WWE

  • Also making the move to Monday is Bray Wyatt, who currently holds no WWE belts, but does hold the title “Creepiest Human Alive.” Wyatt’s weird, drawn-out story line involving nemesis Randy Orton, a spirit called “Sister Abigal,” and a haunted cabin was wearing thin and giving me the creeps. Boy, bye.

Photo: WWE

  • Cleveland’s own Mike “The Miz” Mizanin also made the jump to Raw, along with his wife, Maryse. She doesn’t really “wrestle,” but Maryse is great at standing on the side of the ring and getting mad when her husband gets pummeled, which is often.

Photo: WrestlingRumors.net

  • You know Mindy Kaling’s character in Inside Out, Disgust? If that character were a real person, it would be Alexa Bliss, who made the move to Raw’s women’s division.

Photo: WWE

The Biggest Moves to SmackDown

  • I’ve often wondered why Raw is a whole hour longer than SmackDown, but I realize now it’s because of how slowly Kevin Owens speaks. Regardless, the WWE U.S. Champion moved over to SmackDown—no word yet if it will move up to three-hour episodes as a result.

Photo: Sportskeeda

  • The most exciting news? My favorite humans on Earth, The New Day, are soon making the jump to SmackDown as well. I find myself catching Tuesday night’s program way more often than Monday’s, so I’m beyond thrilled that Big E, Xavier Woods, and Kofi Kingston will soon be there. The tag-team trio, decked out in neon, sparkles, and unicorns, frequently brandish a trombone, ride an ice cream bike, and dump boxes of BootyOs cereal onto their fans—and that’s just the beginning. New Day, if you’re reading this, please never change.

Photo: Forbes

  • Also joining SmackDown from Raw is Sami Zayn, who appears to be one of at least 16 WWE Superstars with a red beard. I’m not super familiar with Zayn yet, but I think that he—along with “The Queen” Charlotte Flair—will shake-up the SmackDown storylines nicely. Yes, Charlotte is Rick’s daughter and yes, before you ask, she does that “WOOO!” thing too.WWE

********

A while back, our friend Will Gibson wrote an article about “embracing the absurdity” when it came to cheering for the Cleveland Browns. In writing this piece, I realized that’s what makes WWE so entertaining to me. It is—and always has been—completely absurd, a trait the franchise celebrates without abandon.

Sure, there’s plenty of high-flying and impressive acts of athleticism on display, but the ridiculously crazy story lines are what make it fun. I love trying to predict who’s going to win each match, and the backstage fights are just as entertaining as those in the ring. I still can’t believe it, but I’m a huge fan of WWE—and I can’t wait to see what these new “shaken-up” rosters bring.

Go out and enjoy this beautiful Thursday, you guys. And the next time someone tells you to “try it, you might like it,” maybe give something new a chance. Even if you think you don’t want to… you never know what you may find.

An open letter to Richard Jefferson: While We’re Waiting

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Dear R.J.,

First of all, great win last night. I’m so glad you guys got up on the Raptors early, and stayed there. I think the closest they came was within 10 or so? Yikes.

Anyways, I’m not going to waste your time, so let’s get right to it. I’m writing to you today with a desperate plea. Please, Richard, please… unblock me on Snapchat.

I get it. I committed a cardinal Snapchat sin when I screen-grabbed one of your Snaps last year. But hear me out.

I was one of your earliest followers. A friend had passed along your username to me, and I was absolutely thrilled. That’s the cool but uniquely frustrating thing about Snapchat, isn’t it? It’s not as easy or intuitive to seek out people you want to follow. Getting passed your name shortly after you joined was like striking Gold—the kind that pairs best with Wine.

Your Snaps were as entertaining as they were fleeting; rare glimpses into the “behind-the-scenes” Cavs, a version of our team so many of us Clevelanders never get to see. Beer pong with Delly and Channing. LeBron actually driving a KIA. Lil’ Kev. Planes, trains and automobiles. It was pure magic in the palm of my hand.

I felt so inspired by your Snaps, it gave me an idea. I wanted to write a piece for Waiting for Next Year called “The Cleveland sports fan’s guide to Snapchat.” In 2015, many fans were just figuring the medium out. In it, I planned to provide usernames and quick profiles for as many Cleveland athletes I could find. I wanted our readers to see what kinds of posts they’d be seeing from their favorite athletes, and you were the top of my list. I took a screen grab one afternoon and planned to include it in my piece.

Soon after, a co-worker asked me, “Oh my gosh, did you see RJ’s Snap today?” I hadn’t, so I opened up the app to look. You weren’t there. Confused, I assumed it was an error and moved on.

And then… it happened again.

And again.

That’s when I, positive Snapchat was just “acting weird,” attempted to re-add you to my list of friends. To my horror and heartbreak, I couldn’t. You were there when I searched, but I couldn’t—and still can’t—add you.

So close, yet so far.

I was blocked. Blocked like Iguodala in Game 7. Banished to a life of FOMO and looking over others’ shoulders to see your Snaps. Sentenced to a Snapchat existence where I missed the inception of Lil Kev, your vantage point of winning the NBA Championship and your un-retirement from the league.

All for one little screen grab?

At the time of “Grab-Gate,” a name I just made up, your Snapchat was a bit unknown and certainly flying under the radar. I totally get why my screen grab may have raised a red flag for. But now? You’re HUGE on Snapchat! I see screen grabs of your Snaps all over Twitter. Here’s a whole USA TODAY article full of them, actually. Did you block Alysha Tsuji, too?

Richard, listen. I’m a huge fan. Honestly, I am. I listen to your pod, Road Trippin’, every week. I even wrote a piece awhile back, encouraging our readers to do the same. Fun fact: I also once wrote a piece that condemned “open letters” like this, because I generally think they’re pointless. But here I am, so desperate to be let back into the magical world of your Snapchats that I’m doing the unthinkable—writing an open letter to you.

You know what else? I looked back and I can’t even find it. I CAN’T EVEN FIND THE SCREEN GRAB THAT GOT ME BLOCKED. But yet I’m still paying for it?

If you find it in your heart to forgive me for “Grab-Gate,” please take me off of your block list. I’d love to re-join your loyal legions of followers, and I promise I won’t take anymore screen grabs. Go Cavs.

XO,
Jessica
@jessaforrester on Snapchat

Taking the Party at Napoli’s to Texas

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About a week ago, Cleveland Indians fans noticed something peculiar on Twitter. A once-beloved, quite-famous saying that felt like belonged to us and only us… had suddenly crossed state lines. When former Tribe first basement Mike Napoli returned to the Texas Rangers, he took Party at Napoli’s along for the ride.

Image via @108Stitches

Originally incepted by Indians fan Nate Crowe, Party at Napoli’s became a 2016 major league sensation. Within months of its first appearance, the phrase went from silly ballpark sign to a T-shirt that Indians Team Shops couldn’t keep on the shelves. A charity event followed after, along with a limited-release playoff edition, and T-shirt sales surged throughout the season. When it was all said and done, Indians fans and the Party at Napoli’s movement had raised close to $200,000 for Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital.

And now, it’s not “ours” anymore.

WFNY spoke with Crowe, that’s @HipsterTito to you, about Party at Napoli’s last call in Cleveland—and it’s new home in the Lonestar State.

Nate, I need you to talk me off the ledge. What is going on? Why are we suddenly seeing Party at Napoli’s on Texas Rangers’ fans?

Napoloi has a brand now. He HAS to keep to it going. Rangers fans were excited to have him back and just like their fans, the ball club was happy to have him back, too.

Last year during the launch of the original shirt, several Rangers/former teammates had bought the shirt. I guess you could say the groundwork was there with a built-in fan base.

Were you involved at all in the new iteration of the shirt? How much so?

I had some involvement, but mostly in DMs and casual conversation. Technically, because I don’t have a legal stake in the phrase or artwork, they didn’t need my permission. But, they still sought me out to get my thoughts. Eric, John, Marc, and all the folks at 108 Stitches really are stand-up people.

It’s really a cool thing that we still talk and connected again on the revival.

Totally agree. I didn’t think we’d have a chance to revisit Party at  Napoli’s. How soon after Nap became a Ranger did they reach out?

Actually, behind-the-scenes, the conversation started not too long after Nap had signed with Texas. It didn’t become a sure thing until the season started. Soon after, the Rangers started little media bits with Nap booking a party by phone with the input of his teammates.

It sounds like they’re having some success? Did I hear they’ve raised $15,000 already?

With a .156 batting average, it’s not the easiest sales pitch to a fan base. (Writer’s note: lol.)

Regardless, their fans still showed up and the shirt sold out in one day. Coincidentally, Nap hit two HRs, including a three-run walk-off the day after the release of the shirt and orders poured in. This time around, 108 is better equipped for any home-run-fueled demand!

They’ve raised $15,000 so far, in less than a week of sales, which is $15,000 more than I thought if you asked me after Game 7 last year. When you consider the $200,000 last year for the Clinic, it’s still incredible to sit back, look at the number and say “WOW.”

Judging by Twitter, you’re already back at it, filling the Jake with good spirits and plenty more of your trademark oversized (and hilarious) signs. Have any signs been a big hit so far?

Back to just being a fan! I went to Opening Day and it was a little weird doing so just to hang out with friends and no oversized signs. I’ve made a few signs but crowds haven’t been the most lively just yet. This past weekend, I did make a few signs that caught a few eyes. I’m not sure Paul Molitor was a fan of “MOLITOR WEARS DAD JEANS,” but their outfielders were during batting practice.

During the same game, I broke out the “CHRIS GIMENEZ APPRECIATION NIGHT” sign, which Indians Social caught on to and joked along. In the weeks prior, I had been talking to Chris through Twitter about making a sign for his return to Cleveland. He joked along with it and pumped his fist from the dugout when he saw the sign in the Corner. Chris was great to have here… he was the only one who could keep Bauer in line, so the sign had some truth to it.

I’ve also made a “GOAT, PARROT, TACOS, AND BEER” checklist sign that seems pretty fitting for Fridays, so I’ll keep bringing that one back.

Any exciting plans in the works for this season? Anything you can tell us?

Not really from a rally cry at this point: I figure if something comes along, we’ll jump on it. That’s what made last year so much fun… it was organic and all intended to be positive. People still bring up variations of “Fiesta at Edwin’s,” which I can assure will not be something I’ll do. Somebody else can run with that if they want.

In the interim, I’ve spent quite a bit of time doing additional fundraising for Cleveland Clinic Children’s through the great people I met during the Party at Napoli’s run. I’ll be participating in this year’s VeloSano ride with a team from the Clinic, and I’m currently raising money/seeking donations for my 50 mile ride. I’m at roughly 75% of my pledge goal with two months to go. I will ride in honor of my aunt who passed away at 48 after a bout with cancer.

The more involved I am, the more personal it’s become.

My wife and I had the opportunity to attend the annual Cleveland Clinic Children’s fundraiser gala a few weeks ago, and by chance we ran into Hawken Hunt’s parents, Bob and Shannon. Hawken is the child I visited back in October two months after his Burkitt’s leukemia diagnosis. Since that visit, Hawken is now in remission and growing every day as a healthy one-year-old boy. It was hard not to get choked up over what’s happened since we last saw each other, but it was such a great feeling to see them in high spirits after all they had gone through. They’ve decided to take that experience and start a foundation targeted towards parents and families facing similar medical hardships. We’re working together to get a sticker for my VeloSano bike helmet to represent their efforts with lifEXTRAORDINARY.

That is wonderful news and you are a tremendous human, as is Hawken. Speaking of tremendous, are the original/better Party at Napoli’s shirts still available?

Unfortunately, the originals are now a thing of the past and no longer printed. There may still be a few remnants left in the team shop, but it’s been officially replaced on the 108 Stitches website.

Do you still wear yours?

Absolutely! They make for great shirts at the gym or beach because the material is breathable… and when feeling a bit nostalgic. While it may not apply to the current landscape of Cleveland sports, it still represents one of the more fun times we’ve had in recent years.

Nate, I couldn’t agree more.

You can purchase the new Party at Napoli’s shirt, which benefits the Texas Rangers MLB Youth Academy, here.

And, you can donate to Nate Crowe’s VeloSano page here.

Football with flair: While We’re Waiting

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It’s been a rough couple of weeks, you guys. The news is just… a lot lately, isn’t it? There are both horrible and frustrating things happening here and abroad and, at times, it can be overwhelming to scroll through a social media platform like Twitter and take it all in.

It’s easy to feel inundated with so much upsetting news swirling around, and lately I find myself looking for a little relief, retreating to @BabyAnmals on Instagram and all the corgi videos I can find on YouTube.

Desperate for a little good news, an unexpected source—the NFL—delivered this week. Never did I think the No Fun League, ahem National Football League, would surprise me with a little piece of positive news when I needed it, but here we are. Tuesday afternoon, NFL Commissioner and generally all-around-unpopular guy Roger Goodell made an announcement that will—I hope—have a huge impact on the league.

THAT’S RIGHT. NFL touchdown celebrations are back! Well, kind of. The rules around NFL touchdown celebrations are loosened, ya’ll! Call me a dork if you want (it wouldn’t be the first time), but I find myself very excited about this.

In an effort to put some “flair” and fun back into football. Goodell announced that certain types of touchdown celebrations would be allowed in the upcoming NFL season. Celebrations permitted include using the football as a prop, celebrating as a group and rolling around on the ground (snow angels, anyone?).

Any celebrations deemed offensive will still be penalized, including suggestive dancing (sorry, guys, still no twerking), ridiculing opponents and mimicking weapon use. But who wants to see those anyway?

Goodell cited conversations with more than 80 current and former NFL players in determining his decision, and shared the news via Twitter and in an email sent to NFL fans. An excerpt from that announcement:

We know that you love the spontaneous displays of emotion that come after a spectacular touchdown. And players have told us they want more freedom to be able to express themselves and celebrate their athletic achievements.

Thank you for acknowledging that, Roger, we NFL fans do love spontaneous displays of emotion when it comes to football. We also don’t love unnecessary penalties or rules that prevent NFL players and fans alike from celebrating successes and generally enjoying ourselves at the game.

The NFL’s former rules around touchdown celebrations seemed overly harsh, inciting as much as 15 penalty yards and striking a nerve with those on and off the field. I’ve even read that NFL referees have complained about the severity of the rules, stating that it puts them in difficult (and often unpopular) situations when deciding what’s allowed and what’s not.

And while these new, loosened-up rules aren’t perfect, and they certainly aren’t and exact, they feel like step in the right direction.

Twitter can be a funny place, and I was admittedly surprised to see this news was met with a lot of cynicism on social media. I came across a lot of tweets expression feelings of “Too little, too late” and “Who cares? You already ruined it. We can’t enjoy it now.” I get that, but I also don’t. Why not just enjoy it? When you’re a little kid and you’re told not to run, you listen and you walk. Then, you probably break into a full sprint the minute you can. This is kind of the same thing. The rules were harsh, but now they’re not. Let’s relax and have some fun.

After all, touchdown celebrations are just that, a small celebration. They’re a moment for players to express themselves, and a moment for fans to enjoy. We’re getting them back—at least a little bit—and to me, that’s something to celebrate.

Before you take on your Thursday, here’s former Cleveland Brown Andrew Hawkins doing the robot (kind of) after catching an 11-yard pass from Cody Kessler for a TD. You can see more great celebrations here, courtesy of Charles Curis at USA TODAY. Enjoy, you guys.


The five stages of NBA Finals grief: While We’re Waiting

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Hello darkness, our old friend.

How soon we ended up here, on the losing side of an epic NBA Finals. Less than one year after 1.3 million of us danced in the streets and stood on tiptoes to catch a glimpse of a abruptly planned but magical Championship parade, we’re drying our tears, hanging up our black, sleeved jerseys and turning our eyes to The Jake.

The 2017 NBA Finals presented an emotional roller coaster we Cavs fans weren’t quite accustomed to. The downside of cruising through the Eastern Conference Playoffs is… well, you cruised through the Eastern Conference Playoffs. Sure, steamrolling everyone was fun, but our guys weren’t the only ones who went somewhat untested. We, as fans, weren’t quite tested, either.

We knew there was a buzzsaw waiting for us out West. We knew an incredible team got even stronger with the addition of KD. But we believed in our guys, and rightfully so. We’d watch them win with such ease over the Pacers, the Raptors and Celtics.

And now, after five games of exceptionally high highs and frustrating, painful lows, we’re back to that hollow, empty feeling of a season ended just a tiny bit too soon. As our team fought and faltered, and as the Larry O’Brien trophy slipped further and further away, I realized we Cavs fans were experiencing something significant: the five stages of NBA Finals grief.

Denial

Denial is the first stage in accepting an NBA Finals loss and, in my experience, it begins way before the end of the final Finals game. “Yeah but,” I found myself telling my friends after Game 2, “They can come back from this. Being down 0-2 is nothing. Nothing!”

I said the same thing after the heartbreaking loss of Game 3.

And toward the end of the third quarter of Game 5.

As the writing on the wall became more and more clear, I let my relentless optimism take the wheel. Is it denial, or is it hope? That, friends, is in the eye of the beholder.

Anger

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I’ll be honest and tell you that this stage dominated my mood and mindset throughout pretty much all five Finals games. Except for Game 4, in which my mood was more tipsy and jubilant, but the Internet tells me neither of those are stages of grief.

I can’t tell you how many F-bombs were hurtled at my TV. How many “UGH I HATE HIM!” or “I CAN’T” texts I sent to friends, followed by the little knife emoji (sometimes about Steph, usually about Draymond, once about Zaza The Nut Puncher).

With each passing minute, America’s Most Unlikeable Team got even more unlikeable, and I got even angrier. During Game 5, I’d get so frustrated that I’d flip the channel to an episode of Friends that’s old enough to drive. A few minutes later, though, and I’d find myself screaming, once again, at my TV.

Though we’re now a few days removed from “The Loss,” it’s really easy to slip into the anger phase. One quick glimpse of Steph Curry chewing on his mouth guard, or of KD choking on his beer, and I anger-spiral quick. It’s been a rough week on Twitter.

Bargaining

I, like many Cleveland sports fans, am never more religious than I am when a big game is on the line. “If we could just make these free throws.” “Please, can we just, sink this shot.” “Please, oh please, don’t let this be the end…”

When seemingly insurmountable odds stacking rapidly against us, we often bow our collective heads and send a little wish up to the sky. And, whether you choose to pray to God or Woody Hayes or Buddha, it’s a way to cope with the feeling of powerlessness that slowly sinks in when, as a fan, a win you desperately need feels further and further away.

Depression

If I’m being honest, I’m currently straddling the line between this phase and the next. I’m not ready for basketball to be over, and I miss our guys already. I can’t bring myself to watch to watch anything related to our 2016 Championship, because I know I’d cry my eyes out (well honestly that always makes me cry, Finals loss or not).

If grief is a process of healing from something that hurt your heart, depression is a necessary and completely unavoidable step along the way.

Acceptance

Oh boy. I just started thinking about Steph chewing on that mouth guard, and I’m feeling closer to anger than acceptance.

But here’s the thing. Accepting an NBA Finals loss isn’t about feeling “alright” or “OK” with the outcome, it’s about accepting that what we didn’t want to happen did, in fact, happen. It sucks and it’s sad, but it’s true. No matter how much we swear or how hard we pray or how relentlessly we deny, we can’t change what happened—we can only look forward.

We’ll never like the fact that the 2017 Cavs couldn’t come back from being down 0-3, but as time passes and new Championship opportunities come Cleveland’s way, I promise we’ll all feel a little better.1

Chins up, buttercups. Have a great Thursday.

  1. The sooner the better, Indians.

When Nap came back

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After a season spent Partying at Napoli’s and raising close to $200,000 for Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital, Tribe fan Nate Crowe had bid farewell to the famous phrase he coined—and the player behind it. But, when former Indians first baseman Mike Napoli returned to Cleveland for the first time, Crowe (that’s @HipsterTito  to you) made sure he was there to see it.

He chatted with Waiting for Next Year on his experience at the game, how it felt to see Nap back at the Jake, and why he’s ready to move on to what’s next.

NATE. I felt like I said this last time, but I can’t believe we’re talking about Party at Napoli’s one more time. Can you believe it?

It feels like every time is the last time but here we are again. This is definitely it for Party at Napoli’s… at least here in Cleveland, anyway. With the last ring ceremony and first game back out of the way, I think it finally rides off into the sunset of what 2016 was.

Tell me all about being at the game. What an incredible comeback!

That was out of nowhere. After standing out in the right field corner all weekend, watching the Twins absolutely put the Indians road win vibes to shame, I was expecting more of the same by the time the Rangers put seven on the board. Once it became 9-2, it was just a slap-happy type of game. More chatter with friends than anything else at that point. I did point out to a few folks around us during the bottom of the fourth that comebacks happen one run at a time. When Perez scored on the Lindor ground out, we all jokingly put up one finger… announcing the rally was on.

I think we stopped joking around in the bottom of the fifth, and started clamoring about how the Texas bullpen could find a way to blow it (which has been a pitfall for them all season… memories of the Lindor grand slam off their then-closer at the start of the season). The bottom of the sixth on is a crazy blur of yelling, high fives, jumping and plastic saxophones. It was one of those fan experiences you only get so many times. Maybe in 10 years, the Indians will memorialize it like they did with the Seattle comeback and suddenly 100,000 people can say they were there for it.

Were you there to see Nap get his ring? How was it?

Yes, I arrived two hours early to be there for batting practice to heckle a bit, stop by to see Jensen and Al, then get one last crack at what was last year. The Indians did a video montage which was a nice hat tip to Nap’s contributions last year. Despite how awful that postseason performance was, they would not have been in that position without his 34 HRs and 101 RBIs, along with the presence he carried in the clubhouse. The 2017 Indians have missed that presence. There hasn’t been someone taking that “extra Francona in the dugout” role the way that Nap did all of last year. While Edwin is an absolutely incredible talent and a huge upgrade, the Indians haven’t solved the “wily, sage veteran” piece to the puzzle that most successful ballclubs seem to have. For a quick montage, there were plenty of thoughts and insights.

Cut4 had a nice pic they tweeted of the ceremony with the fans in the background. It was all well done by the Indians.

I heard a rumor you had a “Napoli Appreciation Night” planned. What’d you do?

Nothing big… just shirts and the big sign.

I thought about bringing the original sign again, but that one will remain under lock and key. Of course, I was treading a line here between enjoying last year and wanting to turn the corner this year, so I didn’t want to do more than really what started everything. A few people asked if there would be anything more but I didn’t inquire or consider. In the end, it was Game 75 and the Indians needed to get back on track after this past weekend. When they do, Nap can visit to join in on the celebration. I’m sure he can find plenty of places to stay. The Barley House can offer up a few couches.

How did it feel, to see Nap back at The Jake?

This year has been in such a weird funk. The All-Universe shortstop with plate discipline suddenly is stuck on flying out (yes, Lindor is hitting HRs but the rest is a drop-off and that’s not what the team needs him to be). The starting rotation is a mess. Despite a great record on the road, they are routinely getting dusted up at home. Injuries. Illnesses. 2016 celebration babies and the resulting paternity leaves (lol). This team, and frankly this year, needed a shot in the arm and maybe this was the right reminder to get back.

It was a bit refreshing to see Nap back: watching him interact with everyone during batting practice, waving to fans in the stands, walking around to various parts of the field and just absorbing his surroundings. I’d never seen him do that before, so I can only assume… but at one point he walked out to center field, wrote something on the warning track, patted the wall and walked back to the Rangers dugout before warming up more. On a smaller scale, it was similar to when Chris Gimenez was back: he walked around to catch up with everyone. It’s always great to see former players who enjoyed their time here come back and interact with everyone.

Maybe it’s not so bad in this city after all.

Did you get a chance to speak with him before the game?

I did not. I didn’t want to bother him, so I figured I could just send him a message on Twitter later. He did wave during warm-ups when he saw the “WE STILL PARTY” sign. There were a ton of other folks out that had a bunch of stuff for him to sign, etc. and didn’t want to add to all of that noise. I’m a 38 year old father of three… I’m awkward enough as it is. Bugging somebody to talk isn’t in the awkward dad playbook.

What was great though was how many people who were a part of last year’s festivities were there. It wasn’t a sell out by any means, but running into people I haven’t seen in quite a while was great. One of those people was Kat, whom I haven’t seen in person since the World Series (we still talk through Twitter and other messengers to keep tabs on each other). I had mentioned to a few others recently that there were things I missed about last year: being around these people I met through the whole Party at Napoli’s stuff is one of those.

Please tell me, despite it being a night of Nap, Jason Kipnis’ Saxy Saxophones were out in full force. 

Absolutely.

Photo courtesy of Nate Crowe.

“Playing” the saxophones during Ookay’s “Thief” when Kip comes up to the plate is a fun thing to do (credit to a friend of mine, Anthony, who bought the first set of saxophones and brought them to the game. We talked about it and he delivered… he’s now unofficially “Saxthony.”). People around us get into it and we’re starting to see other people bringing in inflatable saxophones to join in. The Hot Dogs have picked up on it and have their own saxophones. Cut4 and MLB made it into a gif. It’s another organic thing that would be cool if it picked up some steam and got going into something. 2017 needs fun. This could be it if the team picks it up on the field. I’ve talked to the Indians about doing a video of Kip taking a sax to the plate instead of a bat, but it’s going to tread down a path of licensing for use of “Thief” that the price tag may quickly exceed the value. What’s funny is that Ookay has liked a few of the tweets directed to him about Kipnis using his song and the reactions it has been getting.

If you think about it… there really could be something there. Maybe we could fly in the Sexy Sax Man himself Sergio Flores.

Cue the smoke pouring out of the dugout… Kip appears bat in hand, walks out to the batters box with Sergio in tow….

*booooooooodooo*do*do*do*do*do*do*boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodoooo*do*do*do*do*do*do*

Maybe something will happen there: we’ll see.

I was going to ask you what you’ve got planned next, but it sounds like you’ve already got something cooking. We’ll keep an eye out, Nate. 

Oh baby: While We’re Waiting

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Happy Thursday, gang! I hope y’all have come down from that collective, patriotism-induced, ‘MERICA hangover. Two days removed from America’s annual celebration of independence and bald eagles, and I’m no longer sporting stars and stripes from head to toe… but I am still feeling that too-many-hotdogs-and-Bud-Lights bloat. (Just as our forefathers intended, I’m sure.)

Have you noticed the boom that’s sweeping through Cleveland? I’m not talking about dudes in cut-off jorts lighting oversized fire crackers that they swear are legal; I’m talking about the paternity boom that’s making its way through the Cleveland Indians’ clubhouse.

Seriously, have you noticed? Yesterday, the Tribe announced that first baseman Carlos Santana would be going on paternity leave for the birth of his third child. Santana would be out for Wednesday’s run-deprived loss the San Diego Padres, and could be out until Saturday at the latest.

That announcement came just two weeks after Tribe closer Cody Allen was placed on the team’s paternity list following the birth of his child. A week before that, outfielder/smooth operator Michael Brantley went on paternity leave, as well.

The timing is interesting, no? A quick glance at the calendar confirmed this rash of new Tribe-tots is no coincidence… the American League Championship Series was almost exactly nine months ago. Oh. So… we kind of know how Carlos, Cody and Michael (and their respective wives) celebrated the Indians’ American League championship. Turns out the clubhouse champagne showers were just the appetizer.

And then, I was reminded that two more Indians, Carlos Carrasco and Mike Clevinger, also went on paternity leave during the team’s 2017 spring training—about nine months after the Golden State Warriors blew a 3-1 lead and the Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA Finals.

Photo courtesy: Carlos Carrasco via Instagram

Tom Hamilton went on air Wednesday night to credit the team’s youthful exuberance with being the root of this not-so-coincidental flurry of babies, but it’s clear this is a team that likes to get down after major victories, and I am here for it. But this clubhouse baby boom got me thinking… What’s the deal with the MLB’s paternity-leave policy, anyway?

It turns out, the MLB didn’t institute its paternity leave policy until 2011. As a lifelong Tribe fan, I honestly don’t recall its inception. I also don’t remember it not existing. It just seems like the option to step away from the team for a few days should have always just been a thing, right?

Well it wasn’t, but it is now. So, how does it work? From Fangraphs:

The basic procedure for putting a player on the paternity list is simple: The club submits a written request to the commissioner’s office for a player whose child’s birth is imminent or has occurred within the previous 48 hours. Players can miss between one and three days.

Three days doesn’t seem like a lot of time to bond with one’s wife and new baby, but I suppose it’s better than nothing. It’s up to each player (and probably more so his wife) to determine how many of the three available days he’ll take.

As someone who’s been to a lot of baby showers over the last five years, my thoughts then turned to gifts. What do you get for the new Tribe dad who (probably) has everything?

For Carlos Santana:

Photo courtesy of BABYBJÖRN

As a former catcher, Carlos should feel right at home in this baby carrier, right? Plus, he’s a dad of three now–he’ll probably need to be hands-free as much as he can. Also: Carlos.

For Cody Allen:

Photo courtesy of CraftsEverywhere

Like father, like son? This baby hat is equal parts adorable and awesome, and is available on Etsy.

For Michael Brantley:

My sources could not confirm whether Dr. Smooth assisted in the birth of his child, but this outfit would be a perfect gift either way.

Speaking of perfect, I hope your Thursday is just that, Cleveland. I’ll keep an eye on the Tribe’s baby count for now.

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When a player you love wants out: While We’re Waiting

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Oh, Cleveland. How did we get here?

In terms of our beloved Cavs, the past week really… well, it really escalated quickly, didn’t it?

Last Friday afternoon, I was elbow-deep in a pitcher of watermelon margaritas at Johnny Mangos when an ESPN push notification popped up on my phone. I glanced over and saw a note that Kyrie Irving had asked the Cavs not to trade him. “Well… obviously,” I thought to myself. “Slow news day, ESPN?”

Minutes later, my phone blew up. Texts and tweets and general outrage over Kyrie were suddenly flooding in. Confused, I looked again. Oh.

How strong were those margaritas, Johnny?


I, like so many Cleveland fans, was equal parts baffled and heartbroken at the news that Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving had asked the team to be traded away. Didn’t he love us as much as we love him? Doesn’t he love it here, in beautiful, sunny Cleveland? Isn’t he happy returning to the NBA Finals three years in a row, one of which he hit the game-winning shot in Game 7, when the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead?

The answer to all three of those questions is, “apparently not.” Or, at the very least, “not enough.” So much time and energy, not to mention all the sports-talk listener calls, devoted to where LeBron James is heading in 2018—we, collectively, never saw this coming.

It’s a terrible feeling, knowing that one of our best players wants to leave. It sucks. The thought of Kyrie in anything other than wine and gold already makes my heart hurt. But if he wants out, he’s probably already as good as gone. The sooner we accept that fact—even if we don’t agree with his reasons why—the sooner we’ll all be OK, Cleveland.

So, now what? I’m no expert at this, but here’s how I’m coping. Let’s call it the “Handy Guide for Getting Over Kyrie Irving.”

In the Immediate Future

Wait and see. I’ve never been one for patience, but what more can we Cavs fans do at this point? The wheels are in motion, but nothing is final or announced yet. Quit over-thinking. Quit asking yourself what you could have done. Let’s take some deep breaths, and see what happens.

Distract. Hopefully you’ve noticed, but things are happening on the corner of Carnegie and Ontario. Instead of dreaming up more potential deals in the NBA trade machine, why not mosey over to The Jake and take in a game? Eat some amazing food, drink some good beer, cheer for the racing Hot Dogs… your broken little heart will feel better in no time.

Decide your fandom. One thing to consider: Do you love Kyrie enough to keep cheering for him, regardless of where he lands? If you do, great. You’re a Kyrie fan first and a Cavs fan second and that’s totally OK. If you don’t, SAME. Wish him well and prepare yourself for what’s to come.

If He Gets Traded

Don’t burn your Irving jersey. Bruh. For the love of God, don’t be that guy (or girl).

Don’t give it away, either. I can assure you that I eventually regretted the decision to aggressively donate my blue-and-orange LeBron throwback to the Cuyahoga Falls Goodwill on the morning of July 9, 2010. Don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. For now, fold up that jersey and stick it in the back of a dresser drawer. Roll up your Uncle Drew T-shirt and shove it under your bed. Get that stuff out of sight, but keep it, OK? You never know.

Don’t be a dick. Depending on where he lands, Kyrie will more than likely end up facing the Cavs back at The Q sometime. Don’t boo him. Don’t tweet at him. Don’t send him snaps or leave hateful comments on his Instagram uploads. Please. Let’s give the guy, who gave us his first six years in the NBA, a little bit of respect.

Treasure the memories—and move on. Watch The Shot. Watch it again. Watch every single Uncle Drew clip you can find. We don’t have to love the fact that Kyrie wanted out and left, but we can love the time he spent here.

And, no matter what happens, we’ll always have 2016. Thanks, Kyrie, for everything.

Shea Serrano is the hero we need right now: While We’re Waiting

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Twitter can be a wonderful and terrible place.

It is, after all, an instant and on-demand window into most of the world and many of the people in it in real time. It’s where news breaks. It’s where we gather together to live-tweet Tribe games and Bachelor in Paradise episodes and something called “Game of Thrones” (I’m told). It’s where we celebrate and share and connect virtually any time we want—and that’s really just the beginning.

But, that’s the thing about Twitter… it has no “off” switch. It’s a constant and relentless force that, at times, can quickly start to feel overwhelming. As the never-ending, negative news cycle of today’s political climate cycles through over and over again, Twitter never stops serving up the latest. It’s essential, but it’s brutal, and I’ve found it doesn’t take long for “scrolling mindlessly and looking for pictures of Fiona the Hippo” to become “curling up on the couch and quietly weeping because it feels like the world is on the brink of falling apart.”

It’s in those times, however, that it’s important to look for the good people. The people who are sharing their opinions passionately, but sharing so much more than that, too. The people who are standing up for what’s right, and going out of their way to help lift others to their feet. The people who are just plain nice.

The people like Shea Serrano.


Shea, a former teacher who lives in Houston, is a staff writer at The Ringer. Having cut his chops at regional publications like the Houston Press and LA Weekly, Shea eventually worked his way to Bill Simmons’ Grantland, where he wrote about a little of everything, from going gift shopping with 2Chainz to finding the moment Will Smith stopped being cool.

One New York Times best-selling book about rap later, the father of three has another on the way this October. That’s another (likely) New York Times best seller,1 a book that answers important, probably never-before-asked questions about the NBA, like “What season was Michael Jordan the best version of Michael Jordan?”

While his writing portfolio is creative and weird and amazing—most of which is accompanied by incredible illustrations—and you should read as much of it as you can find, it’s what Shea and his followers on Twitter do that makes him an exceptional human being.


Shea calls his followers the FOH Army. What does FOH stand for? In his own words:

The mission of the FOH Army is simple: Spread kindness around an increasingly hostile internet, especially to people who truly deserve it. Their strikes are simple and usually unexpected, taking little more than a tweet or two from Shea to ignite a movement. Tuesday night, the group’s targets were random teachers using the platform Donors Chose to raise money for their classrooms.

In just 13 minutes, Shea and 80 of his followers raised $1,800 for the Houston-area teacher who was hoping to provide her students with interactive learning tools. And then…

$400 to help a seventh-grade teacher build a flexible-learning-space classroom for her students, which Shea helped to raise in 10 minutes. And then…

https://twitter.com/SheaSerrano/status/897673164754432004

It took Shea and the FOH six minutes (six!) to raise the $1,000 requested by a high-school music teacher for basic school supplies his students desperately need. Why? Because, according to Shea, the news on Tuesday sucked and he was bored. Why not spread a little love around?


Last Christmas, after three days and 15 hours of flights and connections, Shea lost his car at the Houston airport. A parking employee, a sympathetic woman named Radelle, drove him around for over an hour, helping him look. After they found his car, Shea realized he had no cash to tip her—but Radelle didn’t mind. She was excited about the upcoming holidays and happy to help. He asked for her email address and promised he’d thank her later.

Shea got home, took to Twitter, and recounted the tale, ending the thread of tweets by saying he’d love to do something nice for Radelle and her two daughters. He set up a PayPal account and, within days, raised $2,700 to tip her—adding in his own $300 to “get to a clean $3,000.” Shea delivered it in person four days before Christmas.


Of course, Shea Serrano is not the only person practicing random acts of kindness or trying to make the internet a nicer place to be. But I can’t imagine there’s anyone doing it quite like him. His efforts are as genuine as they are random, and as heartfelt as he is hilarious. Shea simply wants to do nice things for nice people, and to borrow a phrase, I think that’s pretty dope.  If you don’t already follow Shea on Twitter, for the love of God, what are you waiting for? Do it now, thank me later, and consider joining the FOH in the meantime. You never know when they’ll strike next…

…and you certainly wouldn’t want to miss it.

  1. Ed. Note: It’s been on a variety of top seller lists while only being in its pre-order state.
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