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May the Fourth be with us all: While We’re Waiting…

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Oh hey, Cleveland! So nice to see you again.

Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t been here in a little while. You probably didn’t, and that’s totally fine. But I can assure you… I haven’t.

After four years of living in the same apartment on a popular street in downtown Cleveland, I recently moved. I’m still downtown, but it was an arduous process that reminded me of a really valuable lesson: Moving sucks.

A funny thing happens in the days and weeks leading up to (and following) a move. Your life kind of freezes up while the world keeps spinning around you. It’s all boxes and bubble wrap while things like the NFL Draft happen. You’re so busy packing and purging that, by the time you look up from the mess, the first month of the MLB season is just about over—and you haven’t written anything since Opening Day.

Anyway, I’m back. Bear with me as I try to get out of my moving bubble and acclimate back to the world that’s not contained inside the four walls of my new apartment. Let’s do this.

*****

May the Fourth Be With Us All…

Yesterday was May 4, which is apparently “a thing” for two distinct groups of people: Star Wars fans and social media managers that are desperate for content. While I’ve never seen a single Star Wars film (Sorry! Put down your pitchforks), I am a huge fan of well-executed wordplay. So I can get on board with celebrating a little bit of nonsense in the spirit of being clever on social media—but only when it’s done well. Some teams and outlets across professional sports nailed it (hammer emoji), coming up with creative ideas that were fun and easy to engage with:

I love this from the Tampa Bay Rays. Not only is it simple and well executed, it actually makes sense—a concept that many other teams failed to grasp when it came to Star Wars Day.

The Cleveland Indians shared a few Twitter images of their own. While they weren’t perfect, they worked well without trying too hard. Kind of like the team itself, no?

The Houston Astros took advantage of the day to reveal these amazing bobble heads of Dallas Keuchel, José Altuve, and Carlos Correa—which they won’t be giving away until mid-June. Kind of unfortunate timing, but a cool effort nonetheless.

The Cleveland Browns actually got a lot of attention for this video clip, which they created to recap the 2016 draft class and mark the beginning of a new era in Berea. While it runs a little long, it’s an interesting video that pays homage to the original Star Wars brand.

This forever. Thank you, NBA on TNT, for providing me with my new apartment’s first piece of fine art.

And, of course, a few pro sports teams tried too hard to force (pun!) themselves into the conversation—and proved that Photoshop can be tricky:

Happy #StarWarsDay, Jet-I Nation!

A video posted by New York Jets (@nyjets) on

Nope.

Nope. (The Chicago Bears actually did a whole series of these, using the same photo of Ditka over and over. I stopped counting at five posts.)

Nope. Although I’ll go on the record that saying if this was Kyrie and Tristan dressed up in anything vaguely related to Star Wars, I would be 100 percent on board.

Can you guys just not?

*****

If May the Fourth proves anything, it’s that social media can be tricky—but also extremely effective when done right. It also proves that we, as a collective group, seem to love made-up holidays. All in good fun, right? Now get out there and enjoy your Thursday, you guys. I’m sure it’s National Glazed Donut Day or Corgi Appreciation Awareness Day. May you celebrate accordingly.


Trying to mentally prepare myself for the Finals 15: While We’re Waiting…

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Fresh off five days in Vegas1, I have absolutely no idea what day it is. But I’m being told it’s Thursday, so here I am, you guys. So nice to see you.

There are so many things going on in Cleveland sports to be excited about right now. The Indians are winning, and only two-and-half-games back from first. The Cavaliers are playing tonight in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals, and things are looking up. Believeland is finally released to the masses, and currently sitting in my DVR waiting for me.

But with the NBA playoffs nearing its pinnacle matchup, a new cause of anxiety awaits yours truly. You guys, I want to talk about the Finals 15. It’s a term I affectionately came up with to explain the weight you gain while the Cavs are playing in the Eastern Conference and NBA Finals, the distant cousin of the Freshman 15.

I noticed it last year, sometime during the six games the Cavs faced the Golden State Warriors in the Finals. I was exhausted. I was bloated. My skin looked horrible. Day after day of eating chicken fingers and drinking draft beer way past normal dinner hours was starting to show. And all those late nights spent at City Tap watching, cheering, living and dying by every play weren’t having the same effect as an evening spent at the gym. Or going to bed early. Apparently… the NBA Finals were catching up with me quickly.

It then occurred to me, of course, that I had done basically the same thing throughout the Cavs’ four-game sweep of the Atlanta Hawks in the Eastern Conference Finals. And probably the 10 games against Chicago and Boston, too. For the better part of four weeks, my life revolved around bar food, beer, and basketball. And I was starting to feel like the Michelin man.

♦♦♦

Like the lifestyle change one undergoes when they move away to college for the first time, the NBA Finals had caused a seismic shift in my daily life that went unnoticed until the damage was done. Like the Freshman 15, I only realized it when it was already too late—I had put on the Finals 15. And in looking around the bar that night, and my office the next morning, I realized I probably wasn’t the only one.

My friends had greasy ponytails pulled back, an obvious sign of sleepiness and shower neglect. We complained about being fat even more than normal, while sharing nachos and Summer Shandys. My coworkers looked exhausted, with bags hanging under eyes and voices raspy from yelling.

To be honest, I never stepped on scale at the time. But I can assure you it wouldn’t have been good. At this point, you may have a few questions about the phenomenon of the Finals 15. Let me try to answer them for you.

But Jess, why didn’t you just make a salad before heading to the bar?

Have you ever tried to grab a barstool at City Tap when there’s a big game on? Please.

Gotcha. So hurrying to the bar for prime seats means no time to work out either?

Nailed it.

Ok so, what about an early-morning workout?

Hi. What part about waking up at 5:00 a.m. to work out after a late night of watching the Cavs sounds appealing? Actually what part about waking up at 5:00 a.m. to work out ever sounds appealing?

Couldn’t you just like… drink water? Or Diet Coke?

Yes, I could. But couldn’t you also mind your own beverage?

And going to bed early is out of the question?

When there’s a game on? If you’re asking that, you don’t belong here. Bye.

♦♦♦

Now that Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals is upon us, we’ve got some decisions to make, Cleveland. Are we going to slip, knowingly but joyfully, into a Finals 15 coma of food, exhaustion and alcohol? Are we going to exhaust our personal supplies of Cleveland-themed T-shirts and clean clothes? Are we going to live and die by every play, with greasy hair and hoarse voices and bloated bellies?

I can already assure you that my mind is made up. Now pass the chicken fingers, please. Extra ranch.

  1. Which is way too long to be in Vegas, by the way.

What’s in a name? While We’re Waiting…

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Great news, gang. I’ve moved on from crying about the NBA Finals. My new thing is crying about the Olympics.

No seriously—I f’ing love the Olympics. I love the competition and the drama and the athletes’ stories from around the world. I love the primetime, showy sports like gymnastics, swimming, and beach volleyball, and I love the offbeat “wait, that’s a sport?” sports like team handball and kayaking. I was at a bar on Put-in-Bay Saturday night and I kept finding myself distracted by the fiercest table tennis match I’ve ever seen, blaring on a TV in the corner. That’s how much I love the Olympics.

This said, I had every intention of using my once-in-awhile While We’re Waiting… spot to wax poetic on the fact that I firmly believe Simone Biles is at least 87 percent helium—and my newly found dream to be the world’s first 32-year-old aspiring gymnast.

But then this happened.

Say goodbye to the American Hockey League’s Lake Erie Monsters, and say hello to the American Hockey League’s… Cleveland Monsters.

When you think about teams in this city changing their names—this probably isn’t the first one to come to mind, is it?

As a sports fan with a background in advertising and marketing, I was instantly curious as to why now—on the heels of a 2016 Calder Cup Championship—the team would choose to change its identity.

From the team:

“This brand refresh has been in the works for several seasons and we are thrilled to make the Cleveland Monsters a reality at long last,” said Monsters SVP and COO Mike Ostrowski on Tuesday. “In the wake of the Monsters’ Calder Cup Championship and the Cavs’ NBA title, and heading into the Monsters’ 10th anniversary season, we feel now is the perfect time for our organization to honor our great city and proudly become in title what this team has always been in sprit, the Cleveland Monsters.”

I’m so torn on this. I get it: You want to pay more explicit homage to the city that’s been your home for nine years. And yes, it’s a city on the rise and a city of champions and a city that wowed the world in mid-July. Why wouldn’t you want to more directly align yourself—and your team’s entire identity—with the city of Cleveland?

Well for one, you might not want to do that because a “Cleveland Monster” is not really a thing. While the name “Lake Erie Monsters” conjures up grainy, wonderful photos of Loch-Ness-like creatures and mythical folklore of the almost unbelievable, “Cleveland Monsters” simply falls flat. In an effort to more closely tie itself to the city it calls home, the team’s identity lost a touch of originality, a unique, offbeat aspect that made it impactful. Yeah it was a little different, but so is Olympic table tennis—and sometimes that can be a good thing.

I also understand the team’s strategy to err on the side of being more specific. After all, a team known for being associated with Lake Erie could be headquartered in a lot of places. Is the team in Sandusky? Is it in Erie, Pennsylvania? Does anybody care? I imagine that, like the New England Patriots or the Carolina Panthers, people who cared would figure it out.

I’ll spare you, dear readers, of the throngs of tweets the team received in response to the “brand refresh.” You can peruse them for yourself, if you’ve got that kind of time. But I can tell you that some were positive—and many more were not. The team, however, responded with the unflinching consistency of a social media manager who has mastered the Copy/Paste function.

While I don’t love the loss of originality, I don’t mind Cleveland being home to another defending champion. There are worse things, I suppose.

Happy Thursday, you guys. Here’s a little “go-get-em” inspo, cortsey of Laurie Hernandez:

Still Partying at Napoli’s: While We’re Waiting

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Ahh, the Thursday on the edge of a long weekend. And not just any long weekend, my friends. The long weekend on the edge of fall. DANG. How’d we get here already? Feels like just yesterday we celebrating that wonderful parade in June, doesn’t it?

But I’m not ready to say farewell to sundress season just yet. Hit pause on that pumpkin spice, please. Let’s soak up as much of summer as we possibly can. There are lakes to jump in and hot dogs to grill and baseballs to swing at. Fall can wait. Let’s do this.

Everyone Wants to Party at Napoli’s

A few weeks ago, I had the loveliest of chats (i.e. I slid up in his DMs) with the man known to most as @HipsterTito, prominent fixture on Indians Twitter, dad to three, all-around nice guy and—most important to this story—inventor of the Cleveland phenomenon known as Party at Napoli’s.

At the time, I shared with you the story of how Nate Crowe, the nice guy behind @HipsterTito, had attended a Friday-night Tribe game in late April. Wanting to make some goofy signs that would get attention and make fellow fans laugh, he brainstormed messaging for an oversized sign with friends.

“How about ‘Party at Napoli’s?’” Crowe said at the time. “We’ll shout it out when the team does something on the field to insinuate there will be a victory party at his place.”

Armed with a huge sign and a grin just as big, Crowe intended on generating nothing more than a few smiles at that overcast, early-season game. Turns out, he’d go on to generate slightly more than that. Crowe would eventually team up with Tribe first baseman Mike Napoli, the Indians and T-shirt company 108 stitches to create a Party at Napoli’s shirt that would spread like wildfire among Indians fans. And now, just over four months and 9,000 sales later, that shirt has raised more than $120,000 for Cleveland Clinic Children’s.

Allow that to sink in for just a minute. One hundred and twenty thousand dollars raised for a charity in four months. All because of a clever sign—and a well-connected fan base.

“Nine thousand shirts and $120,000 is really a crazy thing when you put it in perspective,” said Crowe to WFNY. “It really wasn’t “supposed” to happen that way but wow did it ever. It’s still unbelievably special to hear it mentioned on TV, to see the shirts around town or meet absolute strangers from all over who just want to join in on the fun. Getting to meet Mike and introduce him to my immediate family was an incredible experience. What’s pretty ironic about that day is that we both said upon meeting each other, “Wow, this is taking off!” when the donation amount had just reached $9,000. Here we are are a little over a month and a half later and an additional $111,000 in donations. The whole experience has become a perpetual ‘pinch me’ moment.”

Since the launch of the shirts, Crowe has had fans from other cities approach him in praise of his efforts. His mother, who wanted to surprise him during a family event by showing up in one of his shirts, walked to the stadium only to find that they were completely sold out—something that she was happier to have seen.

What’s next for Crowe and Party at Napoli’s? An actual Party at Napoli’s, so to speak. On Sunday evening, the Indians will host an exclusive event for fans at the Corner Bar, approximately one hour after the end of their game against the Miami Marlins.

For $75 a ticket, fans will have the opportunity to interact with Tribe players, enjoy light refreshments, have access to a cash bar, and receive a limited-edition red Party at Napoli’s shirt. Proceeds from the event will benefit Cleveland Clinic Children’s, VeloSano, and Cleveland Indians Charities.

“I’m excited for everyone to see what 108 Stitches has planned for the near future,” said Crowe. “Fans will be able to get their hands on a limited edition red version of the original shirt. And the part that follows? Well… The magic number needs to be at ‘0’ first before that is revealed. Some parties were meant to last.”

Tickets to the Party at Napoli’s are very limited and can be purchased here using the password “Napoli.”

While We’re Talking About PAN…

Pardon me, sweet readers, while I rant for just one second. For the love of God, Cleveland, please stop buying knock-off “Party at Napoli’s” shirts. Maybe you don’t know any better, or maybe you’re just cheap and lazy and lame, but if you’re walking around in a Party at Napoli’s shirt that isn’t the Party at Napoli’s shirt… you kind of look like a jerk. Kind of a big one.

You’re literally giving your hard-earned nickels to someone who ripped-off a design intended to raise money for sick children.

The shirts sell out quickly from the team shop, I get it. Let me help. Order yours directly from the kind folks at 108 Stiches here. Easy enough, right? Not only will you be benefiting Cleveland Clinic Children’s, you won’t look like a total jerkface. Win win!

Terminal Tower is Lit—And Staying that Way

Back in the spring, it was announced that Cleveland real estate conglomerate K&D Group was purchasing Terminal Tower from Forest City Realty Trust. K&D, the largest owner of apartments in the region, quickly announced plans to fill part of the 52-floor Terminal Tower, arguably the defining building of Downtown Cleveland’s skyline, with luxury apartments.

What makes Terminal Tower unique, aside from its impressive architecture and family of peregrine falcons that take up residence on its 12th every year, is its @TowerCityLights Twitter account. As someone who has been quite obsessed with the account for quite some time, I can tell you that its wit, Cleveland pride, and ability to change the color of the Tower’s lights at a moment’s notice make it one of the most genuinely cool aspects of our Downtown landscape. Whoever runs the account interacts with fans on Twitter in real time, often changing the color of Tower’s lights to grant special requests, celebrate occasions or help organizations raise awareness.

I worked in Terminal Tower for a short while, and was once told that a marketing person at Forest City ran the account—and that he had a one-of-a-kind app on his smartphone that allowed him to control and change the Tower’s lights at a moment’s notice, no matter where he was. (How cool is that, if it’s true?)

All was good in The Land, until a vague but somber tweet on August 25 warned followers that the account might soon be going quiet.

Fans of @TowerCityLights—myself very much included—basically freaked out. Word spread quickly (as it tends to on social media), and a simple Google search turned up news coverage of the account’s closing from across the county.

Deep breath, Cleveland, because it appears—at least for now—our beloved @TowerCityLights will glow on.

WHEW. Am I right? Here’s hoping the account is here to stay… and that the charming personality of @TowerCityLights doesn’t miss a beat.

And here’s hoping your Thursday is great and summery and pumpkin-spice free. Enjoy, you guys!

Tribe fan sends entire team hand-crocheted blankets

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In case you missed the most adorable news in The Land on Wednesday, a 67-year-old Indians fan surprised the Tribe with a heartfelt gesture to help the team stay warm as summer sinks into fall throughout Northeast Ohio.

Jacque Mazey of Perrysburg sent a handmade care package to every member of the team, including players, coaches, and TV broadcasters. Inside each package? A hand-crocheted afghan—as well as a handwritten, personal note.

“I woke up today and was just so excited to know they were getting the afghans today!” Mazey told the team about the blankets’ arrival on Wednesday.

Her note to injured Tribe outfielder Michael Brantley reads:

“Hello Michael,
I crocheted this afghan for you using the Cleveland Indians’ colors. I hope you like it and it comes as a surprise.

Afghan facts:
Takes 3.5-4 weeks to complete
7.5 feet long
Over 1 million stitches in ea.

I made one for the entire team, Tito, the coaches, and also for the TV announcers. I’ve been busy!!! It is to show my support and appreciation for all of you. I’ve been an Indians fan my entire life. I tell my friends that watching all of you is the best reality TV ever.

I’ve missed you, Michael. I hope your shoulder feels normal real soon. You’re in my prayers.

I’ve enclosed directions how to care for your afghan. Enjoy!”

As someone who has attempted many times in my life to crochet, I can assure you that completing one seven-and-half-foot blanket would be an extreme undertaking and great labor of love. Mazey sent more than forty, per MLB.com. According to the team’s Twitter (and Mazey’s note above), each blanket contains more than 1 million stitches and took her up to four weeks to complete. That’s a lot of stitches—and a lot of time spent creating something special for her favorite team.

In case you were wondering, I tried very hard to find Mazey on Facebook because I love her. No dice… yet.

Jacque, if you’re reading this, I like cozy things and Cavs colors. Go Tribe.

Browns to debut new look in season opener against the Eagles

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It’s that time of year again, kids. WFNY’s Jersey Girl is back to bring you the latest on what the Cleveland Browns will be wearing when they take the field each week.

Just announced via Twitter, the Orange and Brown will kick-off the 2016 season in a uniform combination they’ve never worn before.

That’s right. The Browns will take on the Philadelphia Eagles on the road in white jerseys, orange pants, and orange socks. I’m calling this uniform combination “The Crabby Creamsicle.” Creamsicle because orange and white, obviously, and crabby because that’s probably how I’ll feel while watching the game.

In case you were wondering, the Browns began their 2015 campaign in a similar look, with brown jerseys, orange pants, and orange socks. That game resulted in a loss to the New York Jets, 31-10.

Cleveland Browns announce uniform look for home opener

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When the Cleveland Browns take the field for their 2016 home opener on Sunday, they’ll do so in white jerseys, brown pants, and orange socks. A tweet from the team late Friday morning announced the news:

I’m going to be honest: I can’t look at this uniform combination and not think of anything but candy corn. Blame it on the impending fall, my own personal sweet tooth, and the explosion of pumpkin spice every where I look, but we’re going to call the Browns’ Week 2 look Blandy Corn—because I’m assuming that exactly how they’re going to play against AFC North foe the Baltimore Ravens.

After digging back through the WFNY Archives, I see that this particular uniform combination was quite popular during the 2015 season. The team wore it in their Week 16 matchup against the Kansas City Chiefs, a road game that results in a 17-13 loss, as well as in a Week 5 win over the Baltimore Ravens (33-30) and a Week 7 loss to the St. Louis Rams (24-6).

A reminder of how the Browns—and their uniforms—fared in Week 1:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Crowe named co-FOTY, speaks exclusively with WFNY

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Sometimes, tight races are just too close to call. After seven days of hashtags, homers and hanging on, the Cleveland Indians have officially named two Fans of the Year for the 2016 season. The team announced Wednesday morning that Nate Crowe, dad of three and creator of “Party at Napoli’s,” and 9-year-old Makhi Williams, known for swapping signed batting gloves with Francisco Lindor in July, will split the coveted prize.

The contest, held on Twitter, allowed fans unlimited opportunities to vote for their favorite nominees using a series of unique hashtags. Standings were available in real time throughout the contest, keeping things interesting at every twist, turn, and tweet. Also in the running for Indians Fan of the Year were Kat Heintzleman, who asked for and received a hug and homerun from first baseman Mike Napoli the day before she started chemotherapy, and Kyle Chaboudy, whose Progresive Field scoreboard selfie broke the Internet (for a little while).

Indians FOTY Hipster Tito Nate Crowe

After initially surging, falling behind, and coming back to tie, Crowe told WFNY he’s happy to have won—and happy that the contest is over. He spoke with us exclusively on the surprising course the contest took, the heat he took for participating, and what’s next for Party at Napoli’s—including bonding with Paul Dolan.

WFNY: Nate! Congrats! How does it feel to be named the Indians’ Fan of the Year?

HT: I love baseball in general, it’s like the feeling of being home. It’s familiar, comfortable and time doesn’t seem to exist. It really is unique to be an Indians fan. Withstanding an incredible stretch in the 90s, the franchise doesn’t have weather, championships or ultra-mega-superstars to use as attractors to their ball club. That makes the fan base, for the most part, very baseball savvy—which is fun to be a part of. While being named Indians Fan of the Year falls on the side of undeserving because of the aforementioned “savvy” people, I know as well as the other folks in the contest, it’s been an experience because of the chain of events to get there.

I take responsibility for being involved in the contest. I could’ve said no to the nomination, but I thought being nominated was not something to turn down—especially from a group of people who helped engineer a huge charity donation based one of my “crazy” ideas. I thought, “What could possibly go wrong?”

Right or wrong, I’m taking a ton of heat for participating in a contest with a 9-year-old child and a lady battling cancer. What people do not know is that I had no awareness of who else was in the contest until it was announced to the general public. Later that day, I inquired on the possibility of splitting the prize. I did ask, on multiple occasions, for others to support the other participants. Would I have participated again in the same scenario if I knew the circumstances? I would’ve politely declined.

Were you surprised to find out you had won?

I really didn’t know what to think other than “How?” Here’s an incredibly brave woman fighting cancer IN LAST PLACE, a 9-year-old boy and a guy who is known for a selfie but was a gentleman through and through. I was down by 19 percent and was happy it was nearing the end after the events that had transpired. I typed up a congratulatory tweet to Makhi (tweeted to his mother) and his family, thanked the people that voted for me and asked them to consider a donation to Cleveland Clinic Children’s.

Sure, I’ve been enjoying the Party at Napoli’s stuff all summer long, but things do run their course. There was a possibility to reach folks who somehow still don’t know the charity piece, considering the increasing amount of knock-offs being sold that provide no donation to charity. The result of the contest is much more of a credit to everybody else and the other contestants other than just me. They tweeted it, they made it trend, I tried to inject some fun when it wasn’t. Any effort I made during the contest fell well short in comparison to the others, such as the amount of tweets pouring through Makhi’s mother’s and grandfather’s accounts.

How did you find out you were up for it? Were you nominated by the Indians?

I, along with the three other contestants, were selected by the Indians and then immediately provided with instructions and waivers. A bit of a whirlwind of activity early on.

What was it like to be in the running? Tell me about the whole process.

At first it wasn’t known who else was in the competition. Each contestant received instructions to create a video, a waiver for said video and a brief description of the contest. As I noted earlier, we found out who was in it when the general public found out. With the exception of one contestant in Kansas City and two in Washington, MLB did a great job of keeping it quiet until the big announcement.

Making my candidate video was actually a lot of entertainment for those around me, chuckling as I flubbed lines and things of the like. We had the option of filming and editing our own video or using a crew from our respective club. I opted to go solo because I wanted to splice in some new edits from the apps I use. For the 0:56 clip, it took about two hours to film, layer, edit and then upload for submittal.

Fun fact: What is shown in the MLB video is neither my first nor second submittal. The first submittal had music spliced in that I had to remove (“Blue Blood” by Heinz Kiessling of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia notoriety). The music was perfect because I was going originally for a smarmy commercial type of feel: I put on a bow tie and busted out my Andrew Miller troll chuckle for added snark. Unfortunately, copyright rules said otherwise and I had to remove the music. The second version was free of music, but still had spliced-in interviews with Mike Napoli and Andre Knott. Those were also edited out. For the final version, MLB let “Sweep the Leg Lonnie,” the Heatmiser and Kip’s Cavs prediction slip through—so not all was lost.

Waiting for the contest after it was rescheduled/delayed was a bit of a test of patience. The team was losing their lead, and here I am shooting my mouth off in a video recorded weeks earlier talking about a rotation that was now struggling and a new reliever that was now underused. Not the first or last time I’ll be wrong after staking claim.

What was the biggest surprise you encountered along the way?

The biggest surprise was seeing the amount of interaction between contestants outside of their division: Soliciting votes, hearing each other’s stories and plenty of “Ooooh that’s YOU!” was happening every day.

How well did you know your fellow nominees, Kat, Kyle, and Makhi?

I didn’t know any of them personally, and I hadn’t directly talked to them initially, though I had heard each of their stories earlier in the season. While I’ve exchanged tweets with the other two contestants, I’ve come to know Kat much better and had the pleasure of speaking with her as she continues her cancer treatment. I caught her FOTY interview on a Youngstown affiliate station, and she twice mentioned Party at Napoli’s while wearing the official shirt. Quite a spirit she has and a very inspiring lady.

Seemed like you were running away with it, and then things got interesting. What happened when the competition got down to the wire?

Every single Twitter contest will have its share of bumps and bruises. Make it unlimited voting AND a Twitter-only contest and you have an “Omar Infante in the All Star Game” level of pain. Because the contest was conducted on Twitter, MLB had pre-established guidelines on tweet validity. No spam bots, scripts, or otherwise would be counted in the final vote. I’m assuming that rule came into play very late in the contest—and then adjusted the expected outcome.

So, you and nine-year-old-Makhi are co-winners? What happens now?

Yes. Based on the end result and timing of the vote tally, we will split the title as co-winners as well as splitting the prize.

I heard a rumor you’re planning on taking fellow nominee Kat to a playoff game in October. Is that true?

Plain and simple: Kat deserves to go. There’s a compelling case for any of the contestants to go. Makhi is living every 9-year-old’s dream and Kyle churned up a ton of attention with a selfie heard around the world. Kat’s story, however, was very personal for me. It doesn’t take long to find out how strong her character truly is with what life has chosen to put on her plate. A few Facebook Messenger chats and a phone conversation convinced me. Kat’s spirit embodies a number of things the charity I donated to represents, including perseverance and strength through adversity.

While we’re on the subject, what’s the latest with Party at Napoli’s? How was the actual party?

That magic number continues to shrink for the Indians, which gets us closer and closer to not just the postseason but some new threads. I’ve seen it and *fire emoji* for sure. A special edition red version of the original design was distributed to attendees to the Party itself, which was incredible.

Looked like it was an amazing turnout. You had to be thrilled with it.

A bunch of familiar faces in settings you’ve never seen them in before… with the exception of Nap manning the bar (thanks Internet). It was pretty cool experience, having a beer with Mickey Callaway and Jim Rosenhaus. My next flip cup team must include Mickey and Rosey. Tyler, Lindor, Carlos, Coco and others all took turns bartending, too. During the event, the Indians hosted a raffle that added to the charity proceeds for the evening. I witnessed one fan pay $200 as a bar tip to Nap—if Nap would call his wife and introduce himself. It was a very relaxed atmosphere mixed with jovial tones left over from Lonnie Chisenhall’s GW single earlier in the night.

And where’s the actual PAN sign now?

Proudly on display at home as more of a memento now. I might bring it to the ballpark for a special occasion like a clinch game in the postseason or loan it for a short time to the Indians (Juan Uribe did sign it… never forget) but until then, on the wall it stays.

Courtesy of N. Crowe

Courtesy of N. Crowe

I heard another rumor. Are you and Paul Dolan basically BFFs?

Paul Dolan (a cool customer himself) wears dad shoes BUT they are a step up from Curry IIs. As a fellow dad who can appreciate an air guitar solo from time to time… we COULD be best friends.

Courtesy of N. Crowe

Courtesy of N. Crowe


50 reasons to be excited about the Cleveland Indians: While We’re Waiting

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Cleveland! Happy Thursday. How’s everyone holding up? It’s been a week, hasn’t it? While the Cleveland Indians are surging toward the post season, the Browns are literally falling apart (and we haven’t even reached Week 3—yikes).

Dumpster fire aside, the biggest news this week may have been a certain locally written article by a certain local beat reporter. In it, he expressed his absolute certainty that, given the devastating loss of starting pitcher Carlos Carrasco, the Indians’ playoff hopes were dead on arrival.

We’ve all read the article and most of us have discussed it in detail. Some of us have tweeted our reactions, some of us have bitched about it over beers. We’ve lamented and lambasted and, to be honest, I think we’re all a little sick of it, no?

That’s not why we’re here. Whether or not you agree with the writer’s take or the means in which he shared it, it doesn’t matter. I was at the Tribe game on Tuesday night. I hung on, pitch by pitch, as our boys battled the Kansas City Royals for nine innings. I felt the energy in the air. I screamed my head off, even when I couldn’t see the outcome of that final deep fly off of Brandon Guyer’s bat. Clear visual or not, the crowd told me what happened.

I believe in this team so much. They’re a pack of fighters who are fun to watch for countless reasons—talent being just the beginning. They’re fun to watch. Every single game feels electric and immeasurable. Regardless of the challenges they face, I’m clinging to hope and optimism as the Tribe charges ahead toward October. With that said, sweet Cleveland, I present to you in no particular order: Fifty reasons to be excited about the Cleveland Indians for the remainder of the 2016 season and beyond.

1. The possibility of a walk-off win on any given night—and the magic of seeing one. I mean, they have 11 already. Eleven!
2. The sound of Tom Hamilton’s voice.
3. Watching Francisco Lindor play. I dare you not to smile while doing so.
4. The 73-win Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals.
5. Our magic number is down to 5.
6. Jason Kipnis’ hustle.
7. The always-evolving feud between Andre Knott and that jerk, Mustard.
8. While we’re at it, the opportunity to cheer for Onion—who is CLEARLY the best of the Indians’ Hot Dogs.
9. The sound a home run ball makes on impact.
10. Two words: Helmet. Nachos.
11. Andrew Miller’s slider.
12. Not the pink guy… but him, too.
13. Larry O’Brien lives next door.
14. The chance to eat ballpark Barrio in October. Barrioctober!
15. José Ramírez’s hair. It’s lit.
16. The wonderful movement that is Party at Napoli’s.
17. No one has ever called our defense “basic.”
18. The opportunity to watch a potential Rookie of the Year. Tyler Naquin I see you.
19. The opportunity to also watch a potential two-time, slightly robotic but loveable Cy Young winner.
20. There’s no shortage of Indians-inspired gear from Cleveland’s many, many T-shirt companies.
21. A fellow fan was so dedicated, she crocheted homemade afghans for the entire team.
22. You can get famous on social media for things like building a beer pyramid or making an awesome sign.
23. Seeing Rajai Davis steal more bases than Willie Mays Hayes.
24. Lonnie Chisenhall legit carrying an entire tray of water to any walk-off celebration.
25. The return of Coco Crisp.
26. Counting how many doubles Ramírez racks up—he’s currently fourth in the MLB.
27. Also counting how many times Ramírez loses his batting helmet while running the bases—he’s probably leading the MLB.
28. “Crazy Eyes” Brandon Guyer has been one of the biggest and best surprises of the season.
29. John Adams. Enough said.
30. Wait… Dollar Dogs. That’s enough said.
31. The semi-occasional Carlos Santana moonshot.
32. Following the low-key beard-growing contest between Corey Kluber and Mike Napoli.
33. Attending home games is the perfect chance to spot completely random shirseys like Lou Marson and Josh Barfield.
34. Hanging at The Corner.
35. Drinking beer at The Corner.
36. Following along with every clubhouse antic by way of Danny Salazar’s Instagram.
37. Bryan Shaw produces more heart palpitations than Cedar Point.
38. A Jumbotron kind enough to identify the walk-up songs for you. Sorry, Shazaam.
39. “THE BEER GUY!”
40. Mike Clevinger’s majestic flowing locks.
41. Trusting in Tito, even if bunts are kind of the worst.
42. Trusting in Cody Allen, even if he makes you incredibly nervous. Often.
43. @Indians, which can be pretty great.
44. T-shirt tosses literally every three minutes at The Jake.
45. Still calling it “The Jake.”
46. Tuning in to see the (oftentimes questionable) suit, shirt, and tie combos worn by Al Pawlowski and Jensen Lewis.
47. Things don’t usually go right for Cleveland, but it seems like maybe this is our year.1
48. In baseball, the possibilities are always endless.
49. We’re not Detroit.
50. They’re not the Browns.

Have a fantastic Thursday, you guys.

  1. Browns notwithstanding.

Browns wearing brown in Week 3 matchup against Dolphins

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And, just like that, Cleveland, we’ve arrived at Week 3. Thursday evening, while the rest of the football world was watching Jacoby Brissett and the New England Patriots slowly dismantle Brock Osweiler and the Houston Texans, the Cleveland Browns announced the uniform combination they’ll wear Sunday on the road.

It’ll be brown jerseys, white pants, and orange socks when the 0-2 Browns take on the 0-2 Miami Dolphins in what is sure to be a clash of the titans. Digging back through the WFNY archives, it would appear the team has never worn this combination of their new uniforms, unveiled last year.

Brown ‘n’ Outs

I’m calling this look the Brown ‘n’ Outs for two reasons. First, obviously, because the team will be wearing brown jerseys for the first time this season. Second, because it would appear that just about everyone on the roster is injured. Today alone, I’ve seen the following names appear on Twitter with words like “out,” “injured,” “questionable,” and “fractured”: Joe Haden, Pat Murray, Josh McCown (confirmed fracture), and Ibraheim Campbell. This, of course, comes after rookie standouts Corey Coleman and Carl Nassib both suffered broken hands within the last week.

At this point, I’m expecting the team to next announce that Swagger the dog has an injured paw and is questionable for the next Browns game, too. Anyone else?

Here’s a reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve fared—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Whipe Out: Browns to wear white against Washington

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Amidst swirling Josh Gordon-related rumors and lingering fan frustration with Cody Parkey, the Cleveland Browns announced their plans to wear white jerseys, white pants and brown socks on Sunday against the Washington Redskins.

The announcement came Friday morning, via a tweet from the team featuring a Madden ’17 GIF of last Sunday’s standout, wideout/quarterback Terrelle Pryor, wearing the look:

The team wore this combination twice last season, first in its Week 9 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals (31-10) and again in Week 15, when the Browns fell to the Seattle Seahawks (30-13). So… it possibly hasn’t brought them much luck—yet. But there’s always hope.

I’m going to call this look The Whipe Outs, misspelled intentionally because it’s close to “white,” which this look predominately is, and because I hope you pronounce the way Stewie from Family Guy says “Cool Whip.” Also, of course, I’m going with this name because I’m guessing the Browns will “wipe out” all over Fedex Field.

As always, here’s a recap of the Browns’ uniform combinations each week, and how they’ve done while wearing them:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Oh boy: Browns wearing all brown against the Patriots

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File this one under “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” because the Cleveland Browns have announced their plans to wear—wait for it…—all brown on Sunday.

That’s correct. When the 0-4 Browns play host to the 3-1 New England Patriots with Tom Brady, fresh off of a four-week suspension and just raring to rejoin the league, they’ll be dressed like… Do I even have to say it?

Of the full spectrum of jersey/pant/sock combinations available to this team, I honestly thought it’d be several more weeks before desperation drove us to this questionable combo. Lesson learned: Never underestimate the bad decisions this team can make.

So how, exactly, did the Browns decide on this ill-advised, brown-on-brown-on-brown look? Here are some things overheard in the team’s wardrobe department, probably:

“I don’t know, Earl… This season has been a shit storm. We might as well dress like one.”

“So… Tom Brady’s coming off a four-week suspension and probably kind of pissed about it? And he’s playing us? Sounds like the shit’s hitting the fan, Bob. We might as well dress like it.”

“It looks just like a Tootsie Roll. Or a turd. Depends on the mood you’re in, I guess.”

“National Taco Day was this past Tuesday. Maybe we should dress the team like ground beef to celebrate?”

After digging back through the WFNY archives, this Jersey Girl was shocked to see that the Browns actually wore this combination quite early last season—a 27-20 home loss to the Oakland Raiders in Week 3. I don’t know why I don’t remember that. I guess I blacked out. I mean… Browned out.

This season, I’ve gotten into the habit of naming the uniform combination the Browns are planning to wear each week. This week is particularly challenging, simply because the possibilities are so endless. Here’s the thing, though, I’m 12 and this team is wearing all brown. Kind of have to “go for it,” right? Let’s use it as an opportunity to pay homage to the Browns’ head coach, who is trying his hardest to bring Cleveland a win at home. With that, this look has to be known as “Poo Jackson.” It just has to. Sorry Hue.

Here’s a reminder of the Browns’ uniform looks—and their record—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

You Gotta Believe: Game 1 of the ALDS

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If it were a day, it’d be your birthday and Christmas rolled into one. If it were a song, it’d be that one that you didn’t even know you remembered—until you hear it one random Tuesday and it all comes rushing back.

I’m talking, of course, about baseball in October. A sequence of events so wonderful and magical and unexpected that they’re practically indescribable. Ranking among chocolate-chip cookies and Internet videos of unlikely animal pals, it’s one of my absolute favorite things on Earth.

If you haven’t had the good fortune to attend an Indians playoff game, my only wish for you is that you get to sooner rather than later. Is it on your Bucket List? It should be. Now.

The morning ALDS tickets went on sale, I found myself panicking in the waiting room of my primary care physician. I had scheduled routine blood work weeks prior, not realizing at the time how important that morning would eventually be. What should have been a six-minute experience was slowly, painfully crawling toward forty. The office was running behind, and my window of opportunity to get pricked, drawn, back on the road and back to my desk in time to buy ALDS tickets at 10 a.m. was getting slimmer and slimmer.

By the time all was said and done, I was sitting down at my MacBook Air at approximately 10:29 a.m. ALDS tickets had been available to frenzied Cleveland fans for 29 whole minutes. I assumed my playoff hopes—much like those of the Detroit Tigers—were doomed.

I tried anyway, though, clicking to browse for ALDS Game 3 tickets purely on a whim. To my surprise and delight, Standing Room Only tickets were still available. Drunk on instant excitement, I blacked out and bought two immediately—without really considering anything. I texted a friend to let him know I had scored.

“Hey,” he replied. “Do you realize if we don’t have home-field advantage AND the series doesn’t go five games, there won’t be a Game 3 at home?”

WHOMP. No, sweet friend, I had not realized. I was too excited to get my hands on any tickets at all to consider any kind of logical thinking. No sooner had I picked up my prized tickets off the office printer than I was refreshing the page, going back on the hunt for more.

By this time it was 10:36 and I honestly thought there was no way in hell. Again, I tried anyway, because I’m a Clevelander and we don’t give up hope. This time, I selected ALDS Game 1 and chose a random section toward the bottom of the price range. Again, the baseball gods smiled down and I found two tickets in the upper deck, right behind home plate. They were decently priced and would appear to offer a great view of The Jake. They were still warm when I snatched them off the printer.

The 10 days that followed were a unique mix of agonizing and exhilarating; watching the rest of the MLB playoffs take shape, rejoicing when we clinched, even more so when we secured home-field advantage.

That day, I felt anxious from the moment I woke up. It was an interesting combination of nerves and excitement—like standing on the edge of something huge or the last second on a roller coaster before it crests a giant hill. I wore my “Party at Napoli’s” to work and counted every second until 5:00 p.m. I raced back to my downtown apartment and hurried over to East 4th’s Corner Alley for pregame beers with friends.

As luck would have it, a good chunk of Waiting for Next Year writers were planning on being at the game, as well. It was only a brief few minutes, but Craig, Andrew, Josh, Jacob, Scott and I all met up at The Corner for hugs, high-fives and a quick cheers before scurrying off to our seats. If I said it wasn’t one of my favorite moments of the whole evening, I’d be lying.

As the game got underway, the crowd was extraordinary. Chanting “José! José! José! Joséééé!” Clapping along with John Adams’ beat. Screaming. At. Everything. Something as seemingly menial as a strike brought us all to our feet—over and over and over again. The energy, electric in the air, was contagious, and we hung on every pitch like it was the bottom of the ninth. I was so engrossed by the crowd and the game that I barely minded when the slightly (very) intoxicated fan behind me whipped me, repeatedly, in the back of the head with his red rally towel.

That three-home run third inning was something I’ll never forget. While a big part of the baseball world was already shining Rick Porcello’s Cy Young Award, Roberto Perez, Jason Kipnis and Frankie Lindor were busy taking him deep.

Frankie’s homer, in particular, as well as Andrew Miller’s strikeout of David Ortiz in the top of the fifth, sent the crowd into a frenzy unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. You would have thought that maybe we won the World Series on both of those plays—and that’s why I love Cleveland. “Act like you’ve been here before” is not something we practice or preach. The rest of the sports world can deal with it; we celebrate everything.

At some point during Miller’s hostile takeover of the fifth, sixth and part of the seventh, drunk guy behind me dropped his rally towel (#blessed) and shifted his focus to patronizing the two cargo-shorts-wearing Red Sox fans sitting three rows in front of us.

“HEY BOSTON!” he’d scream repeatedly. “It’s time to WALK TO YA CAH!”

The fan to our immediate left was the exact opposite. He was a “Dad” in every sense of the word, right down to the pencil tucked behind his ear that he used for keeping score. “Dad” was wonderful, spouting off stats, confirming calls, sharing his peanuts and happily passed IDs and cash to the beer vendor waiting at the end of the aisle.

We needed those beers when Bryan Shaw took the mound in the top of the seventh. Nothing against you, B-Shaw; you just make me nervous as hell. You held on though, and so did closer Cody Allen in the eighth and ninth. We clung to a one-run lead, and ended up victorious over the Boston Red Sox, 5-4, to take Game 1.

While the national media would say we “stole” the game from the favored Sox, the Boston media would say we “stole signs” from Porcello and catcher Sandy León. Maybe we did the former, but I refuse to acknowledge the latter. Walking out of The Jake that night, amidst a crowd buzzing with excitement and anticipation for a Game 2 scheduled to begin less than 17 hours after the final strike of Game 1, I knew in my heart that this would be a night—and an October—to remember.

This is Cleveland. We celebrate every play. We hang on every pitch. We share peanuts and we whip towels and we #RallyTogether. This October, we roll.

One down, ten to go. Go Tribe.

Browns will be “looking clean” on Sunday against the Titans

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“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” may as well be the Cleveland Browns’ motto this year. Facing the 2-3 Tennessee Titans on the road this Sunday, the 0-5 Browns will be trying out yet another new uniform look for the regular season.

Announced by a tweet from the team on Thursday, the Orange-and-Brown will be wearing white jerseys, white pants and orange socks for their Week 6 match-up:

https://twitter.com/browns/status/786601363467821056

If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve been naming the team’s uniform combinations every week, which has proved to be as challenging as it is to watch this team at times. When I think about this particular look, the orange feet (ok, socks… but bear with me) really stick out—and they make me think of a duck. “Duck Dynasty?” No. “Oh Duck No!?” Maybe. But thinking about the way the Browns have been dodging wins like they’re running backs they can’t catch, I’m going to go with “Duck, Duck, Lose” for the team’s Week 6 uniform look.

I’ve heard a lot of fans and analysts around town say that if the Browns don’t win this week, they likely won’t win all season. Fingers crossed, gang. And hey, orange you just glad they’re not wearing all brown again?

A reminder, as always, of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve fared—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

We need to talk about Oakland: While We’re Waiting

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Happy Monday morning, Cleveland! How’s everyone doing?

If you stumbled over this way expecting Scott’s weekly column, I’m sorry to say you’re stuck with me today. While he spent his weekend getting pelted by batteries enjoying himself in Madison, Wisconsin, I’m pinch-hitting on this morning’s While We’re Waiting.

What a huge weekend for us, Cleveland. The Indians are undefeated in the month of October and up 2-0 on the Toronto Blue Jays. Andrew Miller is mowing down batters with the kind of stuff legends fantasize about. Lonnie Chisenhall seems to be hitting just about everything, and we’re mere days away from the Cavs hanging a championship banner from the rafters of The Q. Even that 0-6, orange-and-brown duck-duck-lose football team can’t bring me down after a weekend like that.

With so much goodness going on inside our little Cleveland bubble, one piece of professional sports news may have flown under your radar… because it certainly flew under mine. You guys, are you following what’s going on in Oakland?

On Friday afternoon, the Nevada State Legislature approved a plan that would funnel $750 million of public money into building an NFL stadium in Las Vegas. Governor Brian Sandoval is expected to sign the deal today, and it’s presumed that the Oakland Raiders will eventually move the roughly 560 miles east to Vegas, relocating to play in the City of Sin.

Confession: I’ve always held onto a pretty negative opinion of the Oakland Raiders. Blame it, perhaps, on the fact that a sizable sampling of their fans dress and act like they just wandered off the set of Mad Max: Fury Road.

Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Or, blame it on a childhood filled with sports-themed kids movies like The Mighty Ducks, giving me a preconceived notion that teams wearing any combination of black, silver, and gray are the bad guys.

But now, I find myself feeling for their fans. I was 11 in 1995, and I’ll never forget the heartbreak my family went through as the Browns left Cleveland. I remember my parents, crowded around a tiny TV with bunny ears, trying desperately, in spite of themselves, to see the bitter end; the last game that was blacked-out on the major networks. I remember my mom crying as the fans in attendance slowly and surely picked that stadium apart, piece by piece and seat by seat. I remember how it felt when our team was gone.

You remember that feeling… and then you see this:

John Locher/Associated Press

John Locher/Associated Press

That’s Raiders owner Mark Davis, celebrating the proposed forthcoming move, decked out in garb for a team that doesn’t even exist yet—the Las Vegas Raiders. Call me crazy, but that hits me right in the feelings. (I’m also trying really hard to not comment on Davis’ haircut. My God.)

On Saturday, Davis assured ESPN.com that the Raiders would be staying in Oakland for at least two more seasons—while the team’s new domed stadium in Vegas is under construction. “We want to bring a Super Bowl championship back to the Bay Area,” Davis said. As long as that championship happens in the next two years, right?

Davis, who has a $1.9 billion financing plan in place to build the 65,000-seat stadium in Southern Nevada, is expected to be on-hand when Gov. Sandoval inks the deal later today. From there, Davis will travel to Houston for the NFL’s fall meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday, where he’ll give the league an update on the Raiders’ plans. Then, at the league meetings in January, Davis and the Raiders organization will officially ask for permission to relocate to Las Vegas. They would need 24 of the 32 NFL owners to vote in favor of the move.

Proponents of the move are praising Vegas as an NFL destination because there’s so much to do within city limits, but I see that as a problem. There. Is. Literally. So. Much. To. Do. There. Who’s supposed to go to these games? Locals? Tourists? The people who stand on The Strip, dressed vaguely like popular cartoon characters and posing for photos with tourists?

Undoubtedly, a city built on glitter, flash and being over the top will produce an NFL stadium unlike anything anyone has ever seen. But I can’t help but believe the Raiders will be hard-pressed to pull Vegas’ 42 million annual guests away from the slot machines, showgirls, and all-you-can-eat buffets they came for.

And then you have the Mad Max folks Oakland fans. Raider Nation: Your 4-2 team is currently sitting atop the AFC West, and I hope you guys are enjoying it. Celebrate every play. Live it up and love your team. For the first time ever, I’m rooting for you.1 If Mark “The Haircut” Davis breaks your heart in two years—and it’s looking like he absolutely will—the Dawg Pound is always here for you.

Alright, Cleveland, let’s get after it. Roll Tribe.

  1. Ed. Note: Oakland fans have had a rough year with a 73-win regular season team with the unanimous MVP blowing a 3-1 NBA Finals lead and all.

Meet the Puntkins: Cleveland Browns announce Week 7 uniform look

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I’m not going to lie to you, Believeland. The Indians are World Series-bound, the Cavs are about to kickoff their championship-defending season, and I’m straight up struggling to care about the 0-6 Browns right now. But, responsibility is responsibility, and it’s this writer’s responsibility to share you with you what the Browns will be wearing on Sunday against the Cincinnati Bengals.

On Thursday afternoon, the Browns interrupted our collective post-ALCS Championship hangover to announce on Twitter their plans to wear white jerseys, orange pants and brown socks in their Week 7 match-up against that orange-and-black team to the south.

When I think about this particular color combination, I’m reminded of those tiny and adorable white and orange pumpkins. You know the ones… lined up outside of your local Heinen’s, all over Instagram, popular at your neighborhood pumpkin patch. Blame it on the fact that I’ve got fall fever, but I’m very tempted to call this look something pumpkin-inspired. And then I think about the way the Browns are likely to play on Sunday, and the name The Puntkins just seems like a perfect fit.

Two reminders: First, the Browns have yet to wear those elusive orange jerseys. Second, here’s how they’ve done—and what they’ve worn—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Browns are under construction, just like their Week 8 uniforms

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A wise man once said that in Northeast Ohio, only two things are certain: Ongoing road work and the Cleveland Browns being mediocre. After all, much like construction on the roadways, the Browns are perpetually a work in frustrating progress, which makes this week’s uniform combination work on a multitude of levels.

For the first time this season, the Browns will wear their elusive orange jerseys, completing the look with white pants and brown socks when they take the field against the New York Jets on Sunday. The Week 8 announcement came Thursday afternoon through a tweet from the team:

In the spirit of being constantly “under construction,” I’m calling this look the Battered Barrels. Much like a crumpled heap of orange plastic on the side of I-71, this winless Browns team is just a few tough hits away from completely falling apart. Let’s proceed with caution on Sunday, Cleveland. Don’t let those hopes against the 2-5 Jets get too high.

It’s important to note that the Browns only wore orange jerseys twice last season, in a Week 8 loss to the Arizona Cardinals, and in a Week 14 win at home over the San Francisco 49ers. Are they mixing it up this week in an effort to change their collective luck and bring home a win this season? Fingers crossed. Until then, build on, Brownies, build on.

As always, here’s a reminder of the team’s record and what they’ve worn so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

While I Was Waiting…for Game 7

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Writer’s Note: Faced with the daunting task of writing While We’re Waiting the morning after Game 7, I was overcome with a lot of feelings on Wednesday. As I normally do, I captured my feelings yesterday (and this morning) and put them on paper. Now, I want to share them with you.

Wednesday

8:32 a.m.
I’m still feeling quite grouchy about last night. I hate that we lost. I hate that Aroldis Chapman had something to do with it. I hate feeling like our backs are now against a wall. I hate knowing we have to spend one more night listening to Joe Buck.

It hit me last night that I’m really ready for this World Series to be over. I’ve loved the experience of following my team through tumultuous, exciting postseason, but I’m exhausted. I’m emotional. I’m full of pizza and beer and STRESS. I need a break, an early bedtime and a salad.

But before that, I need one more celebration. I need one more championship parade in our city. I need an all-nighter, high-fiving strangers in the street and smiling, because that’s what you do when you win it all. Can someone pass the coffee—and the positive vibes?

12:36 p.m.
I just finished a very tense lunch with my good friend, anxiety. It seems as though my grouchiness has subsided… and I’m now overcome with nerves.

Throughout the World Series, I’ve had butterflies leading up to every first pitch. You know the kind… the good, antsy-but-excited kind of butterflies. Like you can’t wait for Christmas morning, and you might jump out of your own skin in anticipation before it gets here. Today, I feel like those butterflies have given way to twelve crazed pigeons, frantic and flapping and fighting over a cast-aside French fry. Did I mention those pigeons feel like they’re made of concrete?

I’m trying so hard to be hopeful. We have our ace, Corey Kluber, all weird and loveably stoic, ready to rock. We have a well-rested Andrew Miller, more scraggle than swagger, who cuts the sleeves of his shirts to an awkward length and cuts down batters with nearly unhittable stuff.

This has to be our night. It has to.

1:17 p.m.
Just had a six-minute conversation with a coworker about Chapman’s hideous back-of-the-neck star tattoos. Yep, still hate him.

2:13 p.m.
“I hope the Indians win today, for the sake of your mood,” is an actual thing a coworker just said to me. Awesome.

3:07 p.m.
I’m seven minutes late to a meeting, but I stop in the office kitchen for a quick cup of coffee anyway. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for this all-nighter. It’s happening.

3:49 p.m.
I’m swapping Game 6 stories with a coworker, whose husband let the expletives fly in front of their two small children after the Naquin-Chisenhall first-inning drop. “I knew in that moment,” she said, “That we were going to lose that game. I knew it. I could feel it.” I can’t say I disagreed.

“This is just so Cleveland,” she said. “We can’t do anything easy. We have to do it the most difficult way possible. It’s Cleveland.” Amen.

4:38 p.m.
Shit. I’m leaving my Hudson office way later than I wanted to, attempting to make my way back to my downtown apartment. I won’t have time to stop and pick up my free Taco Bell, courtesy of Fransico Lindor; traffic awaits.1

4:59 p.m.
My commute home gives me the perfect opportunity to hear Tribe manager Terry Francona’s pregame press conference on the radio. “Terry,” a reporter whose name I don’t catch, “Would you… would you consider this game a must-win?” Terry and the press corps erupt into laughter. He sounds so calm. Light. Like maybe the biggest game of his career isn’t looming three mere hours away. He goes on to tell the media about waking up with peanut butter on his glasses, the result of some infamous late-night snacking, and a dream he had that someone was attempting to break his ribs—only to wake up with TV remote lodged in his rib cage.

Cleveland Indians 2016 AL Central Champs5:25 p.m.
I make it home and immediately dig my “Give Me Cleveland or Give Me Death” T-shirt, via CLE Clothing, out of my hamper. Kind of gross, but sorry not sorry. It was what I was wearing the night of June 19, when the Cavs won the NBA Finals, so it just feels right. We need all the luck we can get.

6:38 p.m.
I make my way on foot across downtown to meet up with friends at Victory Alley, a bar/former strip club that sits on the small side street right behind The Jake’s scoreboard. We have a table staked out and the beers are flowing. We’re ready.

6:46 p.m.
Someone plays “Go Cubs Go” on the bar’s jukebox. Fans start booing, until a “Let’s Go Tribe” chant breaks out, drowning out the offensive sound of our opponent’s fight song, which is immediately replaced by Lil Wayne.

7:15 p.m.
Every time Joe Buck, Bill Murray or any Cubs fan is shown on screen, the entire crowd boos and holds up middle fingers. I take a deep breath. These are my people. Waiting for the first pitch feels like complete agony, so I stress-eat French fries and continue to watch the clock.

7:36 p.m.
The bar continues to fill, a rapidly growing mass of red and blue. Customers’ food orders are being called over the loudspeaker, and it’s not longer before “José, your order is ready,” booms in our ears. The entire bar breaks out into singing “JOSÉ! JOSÉ! JOSÉ! JOSÉ!” There’s still a feeling of angst in the air, but this seems to ease some of the tension. We’re eager. We’re excited. Let’s get this game going!

8:04 p.m.
Just after Game 7’s first pitch, Dexter Fowler unloads a homerun off of Kluber. F. This wasn’t a part of the plan. The crowd in the bar quickly deflates, but rallies immediately. We escape the top of the first with minimal damage—time to get to work.

8:45 p.m.
Carlos Santana rips a single down the line, and Victory Alley erupts. “Let’s Make History” is painted along the wall behind the bar—it’s starting to feel like maybe we will.

9:29 p.m.
A solo shot by second baseman Javier Baez pushes the Cubs further. I’m starting to see it in people’s faces… a combination of doubt and worry.

9:58 P.M.
A passed ball and a stumble by catcher David Ross, and the Tribe takes back two. Victory Alley explodes into celebration again.

10:something
It occurs to me sometime during the 10 o’clock hour that FOX Sports is pretty much only showing the Cubs. The team in the dugout, fans outside Wrigley Field, fans inside our own stadium. It’s like watching the Harlem Globetrotters versus that other team that doesn’t matter. It’s infuriating and it’s frustrating, and my only saving grace is that the bar is so loud, I can’t hear the sound of Joe Buck’s voice. #blessed. Ross eventually homers, and the World Series starts to feel like it’s slipping through our fingers.

11:00 p.m.
Frankie hits into our 354,387,424 ground out of the night, and a girl across the bar wearing Ricky Vaughn glasses starts to cry. I don’t even know her, but I wish I could get to her and give her a hug.

11:07 p.m.
Celebrated domestic abuser Aroldis Chapman takes the mound, and I feel ready to barf. He’s shut us down throughout the series—can we make some magic tonight?

11:14 p.m.

People are in a frenzy, but from our seats we can’t tell why.

We hear the fireworks before it even happens on the bar’s TVs. Brandon “Crazy Eyes” Guyer is on second, and outfielder Rajai Davis is at bat. The cheers start at the end of the bar closest to the street. People are in a frenzy, but from our seats we can’t tell why. The cheer makes it’s way through the crowd slowly, with murmurs of a homerun. Then, we hear the clap of fireworks. The crowd erupts before Chapman has even set and pitched… and then we see it. The shot we were waiting for. A 6-6 game in the bottom of the eighth.

The way that moment felt was worth the whole night. My hands are shaking as I furiously scribble notes, trying to capture the moment and knowing I’ll never be able to do it justice.

11:52 p.m.
The heart of our order fails to capitalize in the bottom of the 9th—and we’re going to extra innings. Commence the concrete pigeons in the pit of my stomach again.

Oh hey, Thursday

12:06 a.m.
Just as quickly as the tarp came out, it’s being taken off the field. Victory Alley blasts Bone Thugs to revive the crowd, and the music fades out as Kyle Schwarber steps in in the top of the 10th.

12:40 a.m.
If you had told me that all of our hopes and dreams would eventually rest on Michael Martinez’s shoulders, I would have laughed in your face. We gave up two excruciating runs in the top of the 10th, and two quick outs have brought us here.

12:54 a.m.
That’s all she wrote, and the completely packed bar empties in mere minutes. That spark in the air is gone. The magic is over. The Cubs are celebrating in our stadium.

Having already made plans to walk home with a friend who was at the game, I’m waiting in the bar. I refuse to watch the Cubs celebrate, so I keep my head down and wait. I can’t look up.

Cleveland Indians 2016 AL Champs

1:30 a.m.


If the way you feel the morning after losing Game 7 were weather, it would be today’s.

We make the trek across downtown in mostly silence. I’m fighting tears and still trying to take it all in. We hosted one of the most epic World Series in modern baseball—and we came up just short. I remember dreaming about this night in June, just after the Cavs had won. It felt like if ever there was a year, this was ours. Turns out, even if we came this close, it was someone else’s turn to celebrate.

“Hey Cleveland!” I hear a man call out as we make our way down West 9th Street. “Keep your chin up! We were great.”

6:31 a.m.
No joke, I dreamt we were heading into Game 6. When my alarm clangs suddenly to life, it takes my brain a solid 10 seconds to distinguish between what I dreamt and the reality that we lost. And, after finally getting to bed around 2:00 a.m.., I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to stay under the covers more than I do right now.

7:08 a.m.
If the way you feel the morning after losing Game 7 were weather, it would be today’s. All storm clouds and rain and dark skies. A long shower and a hot cup of coffee and I’m ready to face the day—and the disappointment I’m still feeling. I sit down to write, and it’s not long before tears are in my eyes.

8:30 a.m.
As I drive by The Jake on my way out of downtown, the stadium is all lit up. I feel an instant pang of disappointment, but a little hope start to creep back in. I’m so proud of our team, and I’m so proud of their fight. We’ll have almost everyone back next year—and we’ll be ready.

We’ll leave the lights on too, Tribe. See you next year.

  1. Editor’s note: I totally forgot about this. Dammit.

Color rushed? Browns to wear all white on Thursday night

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In a mere few hours, the Cleveland Browns will be unleashed on America, facing off against AFC North divisional foe Baltimore Ravens on NBC’s nationally broadcast Thursday night game.

When they do it, they’ll be decked out in head-to-toe white. The team made the announcement earlier this week on Twitter:

Throughout the season, NFL teams have been wearing what the League calls “Color Rush” uniforms for Thursday night games. That’s a uniform made up of one solid color from top to bottom, designed to add energy and excitement (I guess?) to the game that kicks off each week.

When the League originally unveiled each team’s Color Rush look, the Browns were slated to wear a brown-on-brown-on-brown combination. That uniform was scrapped, however, when it was deemed too close to the all-purple look the Ravens will be wearing.

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Of course. We can’t have nice things, so it was the Browns who had to change their plans. Although I’m not sure head-to-toe brown is the best look for anyone, so maybe it worked out for the best.

I’m calling this look the “Pathetic Pasties,” for several reasons. First, the all-white ensemble is giving me straight-up Elmer’s Glue vibes. Second, I imagine at times, our players are going to look like they’re stuck in glue on the field. Finally, let’s be honest, they’re going to get completely pasted by the Ravens, right? (And by that, I don’t mean completely drunk—I mean completely outscored).

Good luck to the Browns tonight, and good luck to our nation for having to watch after such an exhausting week.

A reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve played—this season.

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Tic Tac D’oh: Browns are bringing back the orange

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Daaaamn, Cleveland. Back at it again with the orange jerseys!

You read that right, Daniel. When the Cleveland Browns take the field at home on Sunday against rival the Pittsburgh Steelers, they’ll be wearing orange jerseys, white pants, and orange socks. As they have been all season, the team announced the news with a tweet and Madden ‘17 GIF on Thursday afternoon.

The Browns’ elusive orange jersey is basically the proverbial white whale for fans, as it appears rarely and randomly. In fact, the Browns have only worn it once this season, in Week 8 against the New York Jets.

The combination of orange, white and orange is giving me straight-up Tic Tac vibes. That makes sense if you think about it, because the Browns are basically the Tic Tacs of the NFL.

If the New England Patriots are the Altoids of the league (strong, powerful, commanding), the Browns are certainly the Tic Tacs. They’re small. They tend to underperform. They always underwhelm. And while watching a Browns game may seem like a great idea, the team—much like an orange Tic Tac—loses its luster about 30 seconds in. With that, I’m calling this look the “Tic-Tac-D’OH!”

 

Here’s hoping this uniform combination, which they haven’t yet worn this season, brings the Browns a little luck. Luck that lasts longer than 30 seconds, it is.

Here’s a reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve fared—through the first 10 weeks of the NFL season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

Week 4: The Whipe Outs
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Washington Redskins, 31-20

Week 5: Poo Jackson
Jersey: Brown
Pants: Brown
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New England Patriots, 33-13

Week 6: Duck, Duck, Lose
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Tennessee Titans, 28-26

Week 7: The Puntkins
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Brown
Result: L @ Cincinnati Bengals, 31-17

Week 8: The Battered Barrels
Jersey: Orange
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. New York Jets, 31-28

Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: Brown
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10

Week 10: The Pathetic Pasties
Jersey: White
Pants: White
Socks: White
Result: L @ Baltimore Ravens, 28-7

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